


Are you my girl?

by My_Dixon_Narratives



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms
Genre: Adult Content, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-02-27 09:06:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 31,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13245000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/My_Dixon_Narratives/pseuds/My_Dixon_Narratives
Summary: Merle and Sasha take watch together and read a little poetry...and then they get a little cozier;) lolThis poem contains most of the poem called 'Longing' by Matthew Arnold (I didn't use the whole poem because it was longer than I needed) The other poem, I wrote for this.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KrissyG927](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrissyG927/gifts).



_ **Are you my girl? - Chapter 1** _

A year had passed since the fall of Woodbury, the governor was dead and life was beginning anew. The prison had turned a corner and was running smoothly now. With Hershel's expertise, they had grown an incredible crop of veggies and fruits over the summer, the Dixons were hunting almost daily and there was a smokehouse for preserving the kills. Life appeared to be on the upturn that they had all prayed for.

Still, on a warm autumn day, Sasha Williams stood before a mountain of clean laundry for over a dozen people that needed to be folded and sorted; chores never stopped even when the war was over.

It was endless, the laundry and other chores that needed tending to. Sasha rolled her eyes at the pile of laundry in front of her and tried to look on the bright side, at least the basement was cool and she could be alone for once. It was spread all over a double sized prison bed in a room where she always did this job and she had multiple bins for each member of the group in which to sort the items. She'd be down there for hours and so she found herself daydreaming about a man she had dated before the turn. Sasha missed sex and she still felt the need for physical contact, even more now that there was actually time to think of such things. It crossed her mind more than once that she may never have sex again and she found it sad. Sasha was a highly intelligent woman and a strong fighter in the afterworld. She was also a very sexual woman and it got harder and harder to feel satisfied with just pleasing herself.

A loud bang down the darkened corridor made her jump and her hand found her handgun in a heartbeat. Everyone else in the prison was working in the garden except for Beth who was keeping Judith out of the heat for the afternoon.

Sasha stepped slowly toward the doorway and peered down both ways. It wasn't very likely to be a walker, but she was always cautious and therefore still alive.

"Who's there?" she hollered and immediately heard a rough cackle that she'd know anywhere.

Merle Dixon came wandering down the hall toward her in only a pair of khakis, and she wondered what the idea was.

"Need a clean wifebeater, honey," he grinned.

"I can't believe you still call them that," she groaned and rolled her eyes.

It was a little shocking for her to see his body so bare. His khakis had once fit him better, but long hours working in the heat had left them hanging low on his waist, drawing her eyes down lower than usual. The way a man of his age in the afterworld stayed so muscular baffled her and she tried not to stare. If Merle Dixon caught her eyeing him up she'd never hear the end of it.

She dug through the pile of clothing and located one of his undershirts and tossed it to him without a second look, or maybe just a quick one.

"Thanks," he said as he raised his arms to get it over his head and then pulled it slowly down his strong chest and firm abdomen.

"No problem," she answered casually.

"You sure got a lot of work here," he noted.

"I'll be at this for hours. Are you working in the garden too?" she asked.

"Nah, I was just working on the generator and took a shower out back. The water that got collected in the last rainfall was nice and warm, you should grab a shower while there's still water left," he suggested.

Sasha found it strange the way he wasn't trying to annoy her as much now that she was alone with him. In a group it seemed like that was Merle's only goal in life, to annoy people.

"I'll do that," she smiled. "Thanks for letting me know."

"You got it...do you want some help with this?"

She frowned in confusion but decided she may as well have a hand and get done faster.

"If you have nothing else to do."

Merle started folding towels and sheets like it was everyday stuff and Sasha couldn't help but stare at his arms as he worked. It didn't look easy for him to fold laundry with only one hand but he was managing OK. He was in dangerous form for an older man and she had to remind herself that it was Merle Dixon and force herself to look away. The last year had been calm and Merle hadn't caused any new problems but people still remembered his association with the governor and some of his less savory behavior.

Merle was just asking her something about the watch schedule when he grabbed another handful of clothes to pull it closer and then lifted a pair of white silk panties up. He was stunned and she could swear he was embarrassed as he put them back down and tried to pretend it didn't happen.

"Oops," he shrugged.

Sasha reached out to pick up the panties and casually placed them in her pocket. Merle raised his eyebrows then and she knew that he was picturing them on her, she just knew it. His icy blue eyes made her feel a little off balance then and she felt butterflies in her stomach; it confused her.

"Merle?"

"Yeah?"

"How old are you?"

He was trying to figure out why she'd be asking him, she could tell, but he still answered like it was no big deal.

"Last I checked I was 52...how old are you?"

"I'm 29."

He nodded and continued to fold as she did the math in her head. He was 23 years older and she paused to look at him some more. Did he really look 52 years old? Like he was old enough to be her dad?

"What?" he asked when it became obvious that she was staring.

"Nothing."

"I can go if you'd rather be alone," he offered.

She definitely wasn't trying to give him the impression that she wanted him to leave so she immediately said so.

"No, I don't want you to go. I just realized this is the first time I've ever been alone with you, and you're...different."

"Different?"

"You're quieter than usual. More...polite?"

Merle laughed to himself and kept folding towels before looking up at her with something in his eyes that made her wonder.

"I'm trying to be a good boy for Daryl's sake," he explained. "It makes life harder for him when everyone hates me."

Sasha realized then that Merle loved Daryl as much as she loved Tyreese and was stunned to find that they had something in common.

"I don't hate you, Merle."

"No?"

"No," she answered and then looked down to find that she was holding a pair of his boxers. "Oh..."

There was something in the air then as they looked right at each other. She could smell his cologne from across the room and her eyes drifted helplessly over his arms and chest. Sasha bit her lip and knew that if she wanted out of this she'd have to say so soon cause she was just about to grab him.

"Sasha?"

"Yeah?"

"I'll go if you want me to...this doesn't have to happen..."

Evidently, he knew what she was thinking as if it was written all over her face. When she didn't answer, Merle put down the towel and walked past her toward the door to leave.

"Merle, wait."

"Yeah?'

"Lock the door and come back."

"Honey-"

"Do you want me?"

He was standing behind her, and she awaited his answer silently, not able to see his face.

"How could a man like me not want a woman like you?"

His voice was that deep and weathered sound, just like always, but now it made her ache deep inside and she knew it was on. Sasha weighed it in her mind for a moment, but she knew she wanted him. Nobody would ever understand it, but she wanted him all over her in that moment and just couldn't fight it.

"What if I wanted you too?"

"I'd be flattered. I ain't much to look at."

"I like the way you look," she said softly.

It was on and there was no turning back for her, she could feel the lust rising inside and the promise of penetration was too much to resist. He was awaiting more instructions, she held all of the cards and she knew it.

"Come closer," she whispered.

She heard him close and lock the door and then he was behind her, touching her waist and breathing hot breath on her neck.

"Are you sure? I can still walk away, honey."

"I'm sure...I need this."

"I won't hurt you; you know that, right?"

"I know."

Merle's one hand moved from the side of her waist to her hip and then up the front of her body to her breast. Sasha closed her eyes and felt his face move around the side of hers to kiss her cheek and then her neck. He was so gentle.

He warmed her up just right, licking the shell of her ear and running his hand up and down her body from her breasts, to her stomach and then down to her thighs. She let out a moan and pulled one of her knees up onto the cot in front of her to allow his hand access to her sacred spaces.

Merle could read her signals perfectly, and so his hand crept between her thighs and began to knead the crotch of her jeans in a perfect circular rhythm.

"You touch me just right," she whined as he bit the side of her throat in response.

Sasha wanted it to move faster, she could feel herself getting close already. She just knew that once his touch found her bare skin it would be over and she'd finally feel satisfied again.

Sasha reached down to pull off her shirt and unlatched her front-closing bra to get things moving. He still hadn't kissed her lips and so she turned her head to take him by the cheek and pull his mouth to hers. He seemed surprised by it but kissed her back and touched her face in return.

"You're so beautiful, Sasha...are you-"

"Yes, I'm sure," she nodded.

He pulled off the undershirt and she could feel his warm skin against her back and leaned back into him to get even closer. By the time his hand slid down her jeans she was so wet it was almost embarrassing but it was an obvious turn on for him.

"Jesus...you're like a fuckin' angel, honey...so fuckin' sweet," he groaned.

His fingers worked slow and sensual circles over her slippery folds, so she urged her own pants down her legs and kicked off her panties to stop playing games.

"I'm not so good at this with my left hand," he explained.

"You're so much better than you think," she moaned.

Merle wrapped both arms around her body and paused for a moment and she knew that he was struggling with it all. Her hand moved behind her back to touch him through his pants and his head dropped helplessly to her shoulder.

"You're so young..." he lamented.

Sasha turned to face him then and sat down slowly on the edge of the bed. She could tell he was hard as stone but his face showed confusion with the desires he was feeling. Sasha lay back and leaned on her elbows to shake him out of his confusion and parted her legs before him.

"I want this, and I know you want it too, Merle...you need this as much as I do."

"I do need it...you're right."

"Then come here and take it."

Merle dropped to his knees then and crawled toward the bed to move slowly up her open thighs with his mouth. Merle was approaching an altar and praying to the goddess who resided there like a lowly subject. He kissed closer and closer toward her wet lips as she watched and she'd never seen anything so sexy in all of her life. Soon he was nudging her clit teasingly with the tip of his tongue and then sucking her lips softly into his mouth, moaning as he did and leaving her boneless.

"Merle...." she whispered. "Oh God....yeah...you like that?"

"Mmmmm," he moaned but never let up on her pussy.

Merle kept his mind on his work, and when he slid two of his fingers inside her and continued to suck her clit, she knew she was done in a way she'd never been done before.

"Oh...uh...oh my God...Merle...Mmmm...."

She pulled his face into her crashing waves and tried to ride the current as long as possible. It was like he was made for her. There was nothing she needed to correct, he did it all just right.

/

Sasha lay with her long legs dangling off the end of the bed for a moment and tried to wrap her mind around Merle Dixon going down on her. When she did sit up, he was about to pull on his undershirt and looked proud of himself.

"Feel good, honey?" he asked with a devilish grin.

"That's it?"

"That's what you wanted, right?"

Merle was apparently perfectly happy to just please her and she wasn't having it. Merle Dixon was not perfect by any stretch of the imagination but he also wasn't the person she had painted in her mind. She stood up and went for his belt with a determined smirk and slid her hand inside to touch him.

"Fuuuuuck," he hissed, and she almost laughed.

His dick was no laughing matter though, he was thick and long and just what a woman in the apocalypse needed. She jerked him off till his legs went weak and then turned around to kneel on the edge of the bed. Sasha didn't need lovey-dovey sex, she needed to be fucked.

"You up for it, Dixon?" she winked as she looked back at him.

He didn't answer her but he did come closer and began to kiss down her back from her shoulder blades to her tailbone before touching her and then entering her slowly. If anyone in the group knew about this, they would lose their minds, but the moment was fire and she needed him so badly that she didn't care one bit.

"I don't have anything, just so you know," he insisted.

"Shhh....just go to work, Merle."

He filled her completely, and she kept her legs closed tight to feel the intensity of his cock against her inner walls.

"God damn it that's good!" she cried out.

He held her hip tightly as he fucked her in a steady motion, and she sobbed with pleasure like there was nobody around for miles.

"Oh, Merle...yes!" she whined, grabbing at the sheets and gripping them tightly.

"Someone'll hear ya, honey," he warned, but he never broke rhythm.

She wanted him deeper very soon, so she opened her legs wide and arched her tailbone up, pulling a groan of pleasure from his lips.

"Good God, woman! That's a beautiful ass right there!"

Sasha had never been fucked so good and she wondered if it would ever happen again as Merle reached his limit. He growled like he'd been shot and clung to her hip with his one hand like she was keeping him from floating away. She felt his warm cum on her ass and the back of her thighs and she craved more in an instant. Sasha collapsed on the bed for a minute with a grin on her face that she couldn't fight. Merle Dixon was something else alright. By the time she could focus, though, he was dressed and already on his way out.

"Don't worry, honey, I won't tell anyone....thank you for this, I won't forget it."

Sasha was struck then by a strange sensation like he was running from the scene of a crime. She felt insulted.

"Are you ashamed or something?" she asked softly.

For a split second, she wondered if maybe it was a racial thing.

"No, honey. Being with you is probably the thing I'm most proud of in my whole life," he grinned. "But you won't want people knowing about this...especially your brother."

Sasha didn't quite know what to say, it was true that everyone would be shocked by it, but it felt wrong to lie to everyone.

"You're a step way up for a man like me, but I'm a fall down a damn well for you," he explained.

She pulled her clothes on and tried to think of what to say.

"Merle...I'm not ashamed of this."

"Thanks," he smiled. "It's just that nobody would believe I didn't force myself on you and if you told them you wanted it then they might think you lost your mind. It'll just be easier for you if you don't have to explain it to people, right?"

"I guess so...is this it?"

"If you want me again, you know where I am," he smiled, "and if you don't then...thank you for this."

"I'm on watch tonight...do you want to come with me?"

"Yeah?" he smiled like it was the last thing he expected.

"Yeah, I think I want to get to know you a little better," she winked.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merle and Sasha take watch together and read a little poetry...and then they get a little cozier;) lol
> 
> This poem contains most of the poem called 'Longing' by Matthew Arnold (I didn't use the whole poem because it was longer than I needed) The other poem, I wrote for this.

**_Are you my girl? – Chapter 2_ **

Merle ambled back to his cell with his heart pounding in his chest. He could still feel her silky skin and hear her soft moaning in his ears. He couldn't recall ever feeling the way he did at that moment. Sasha Williams was easily one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen, and the privilege of touching her would never leave his mind. He sat on the edge of his bed and held both hands to his face, the scent of her skin still on his own.

How had it happened? He couldn’t make any sense of it. 

Merle already wanted more; he wanted her again that very night. Her flawless skin and the way she reacted to his fumbling touch with his non-dominant hand made him feel like a man again. Merle was sure he would die without even another kiss from a woman, and here he was replaying the kind of experience men would kill for.

Why had she chosen him? Of all the men left on Earth, why him? 

/

Sasha finished the laundry and walked back up to her cell in a fog. She could still feel him all over her, inside her, and hear his voice in her mind.

"Hey, Sis!"

She turned to see Tyreese coming toward her with his usual smile, and she was sure he could see it all over her face.

"What's up, Ty?"

"Thought the laundry monster ate you down there," he laughed.

"Nope, I made it out alive," she shrugged.

"There's gonna be a feast tonight, I swear. That Hershel sure knows how to get the most out of the ground. Veggies and fruit as far as the eye can see," he grinned.

"Sounds great. Glenn and Maggie found a bunch of sealing jars too, so we'll be able to can a bunch of it for over the winter."

"True. We'll be all set here now," he sighed in satisfaction. "You on watch tonight still?"

"Yep, me and Merle."

"Merle?"

"Uh huh," she answered like it was nothing unusual. She hadn't really meant to mention Merle at all, but he was on her mind. "I think I should catch a little shut-eye before tonight or I'll be dozing off."

"You sure you wanna be stuck with him all night? I can fill in if you want company."

"You've been in the garden all day; you need to eat a good supper and then sleep. I'll be fine."

"Be careful, Sasha, this is Merle Dixon we're talking about."

"I'll be fine, Ty, relax."

/

By 10 pm she was settling in for her graveyard shift on watch and had just said goodnight to Glenn and Rick who covered evening shift.

"You sure you're OK on your own?" Rick asked.

Sasha had been taking watch alone for a while, making random conversation all night was exhausting, and she liked to read anyway.

"Merle is staying tonight?"

"Merle?"

"Yes, why is that so weird to everyone?"

"Nobody spends time with him voluntarily, except Daryl," Rick laughed.

"Well, that's not very nice, is it?" she noted.

"You be the sweet one for us then," Rick chuckled and continued down the steps of the tower.

After twenty minutes, she wondered if Merle had forgotten to come until she heard a knock at the door.

"Come in," she called and turned the page in her book.

Merle had a black button up shirt on with his khakis and was carrying a backpack over his shoulder as he walked in. She'd never seen the black shirt before, he looked a little dressed up, and she found it endearing. He still smelled of the same cologne as always; it was a musky sandalwood scent that made her needy inside.

"Hey," he said, sitting down on the old couch in the corner and digging through the bag for his flask.

"Hey."

"Did you still want me to stay?" he asked.

"Yes. How was the rest of your day?"

"Great! I caught a little siesta after we...you know, and then there was all that food at suppertime. I feel like a new man."

Merle took a long sip from the flask and then offered some to her.

"What is it?"

"Southern Comfort."

She took the flask from him and enjoyed the slight burn as it slid down her throat.

"Thanks."

"What you readin'?" he asked.

"Poetry," she sighed, laying her book on the desk in front of her.

"Can I see?"

She handed the book over to him, and he sat silently flipping through the pages for a good 10 minutes. Sasha didn't think of Merle as a person who enjoyed literature, but anything with him appeared possible lately.

"Do you like poetry?" she asked.

"I like reading all kinds of things if I can get my hands on it...well, hand on it," he joked. "They had a big library at Woodbury, the only good thing about the place."

"You're not what you seem to be, are you?"

"You mean a dumbass loudmouth redneck?" he chuckled. "I'm probably all those things, but some other things too."

"Read me something," she said softly.

"Which one do you want?"

"Anything, I just like being read to."

He turned the pages for a while until he settled on one and cleared his throat.

 

**_Come to me in my dreams, and then_ **

**_By day I shall be well again._ **

**_For then the night will more than pay_ **

**_The hopeless longing of the day._ **

**_Come, as thou cam’st a thousand times,_ **

**_A messenger from radiant climes,_ **

**_And smile on thy new world, and be_ **

**_As kind to others as to me._ **

**_Come to me in my dreams, and then_ **

**_By day I shall be well again._ **

**_For then the night will more than pay_ **

**_The hopeless longing of the day._ **

  
His tone was serious, his voice weathered and deep, and he didn't pause or stumble over a single word. Some people were good at reading aloud, and some weren't, Merle definitely was.

"I like it," she smiled.

"It's a good one. Do you have more books?" he asked.

"I have more in my cell. Did you want to borrow something?"

"Yeah, anything you got. I'd read the damn phonebook at this point."

Sasha was fascinated by him; Merle was one surprise after another. She had been very busy in the last year with trying to rebuild the prison and Merle was often gone hunting with Daryl, so she hadn't gotten to know him personally. Now that she was getting closer to him, she was coming to realize that the assumptions she'd had about him were untrue or at least highly exaggerated.

"Want more?" he asked, and for a moment she wasn't sure if he meant sex or reading, in all honesty, she wanted both.

"If you don't mind."

He held the book open with the metal prosthetic and turned the pages with his left hand, and she imagined him doing what he had to in Atlanta just to keep living. She wondered if she could do something like that if she had to, and then he began to read again.

**_Write me as you want me_ **

**_in words that please your ear_ **

**_Paint me upon a canvas_ **

**_as long as you hold me near_ **

**_Come to me with orders_ **

**_I'll follow every one_ **

**_Mold me into what you need_ **

**_till I'm shining in the sun_ **

**_Tell me what it takes_ **

**_Turn me inside out_ **

**_Just make me yours forever_ **

**_and please don't ever doubt_ **

**_I'd sooner be erased for you_ **

**_than ever be without_ **

  
"Did you ever feel this way about someone, Merle?" she asked softly.

"Not until this morning I didn't," Merle answered and then he looked down at the book as if he was afraid of her response.

Sasha stood up and walked toward him like being pulled across the space between them by magnets. He looked up at her, and his eyes triggered something inside her, something deep and undeniable.

She took the book from him and lay it on the couch beside him, and like that she was straddling his lap and kissing him like in the movies. His arms came to wrap around her, and she melted into his presence. Nothing about it made sense, and she didn't care anymore. The world was gone, and joy was so rare and fleeting, she needed this, she needed him.

Merle moved in to kiss her neck and trailed his hand down her back, causing goosebumps to erupt all over her skin.

"I wanna be what you need, honey...just tell me what you need."

"Just be you, and don't let me go."

Merle kissed her then, and she only broke the kiss to pull her shirt over her head and lean over his shoulder to lock the door. He kissed from her neck to her chest as the cold, hard metal of his prosthetic lay across the small of her back.

Sasha ground herself on his lap, drawing a low growl from him that made her wild with desire. She stripped off her bra and pulled him to her breasts like his touch was a cure.

Merle licked slow and gentle around her right nipple and then took the entire perfect circle into his mouth to send her into a stupor.

"Damn!" she hissed, rolling her hips a little harder.

She could feel the hardness of him beneath her, and she ground herself against it as he teased her out of her mind from the waist up.

"You're so fuckin' beautiful, honey...you're makin' me crazy."

He knew just what to say and how to say it. Sasha wanted to please him, and she decided it was time to return his favor from earlier. It felt like they couldn't get enough of each other and she was happy to overdose if they could.

She felt so close already, so she backed away slowly and then slithered down his body till she was kneeling on the floor between his thighs.

"What's this now?" he asked, and Sasha just grinned up at him.

Her hands went for his belt and then the button and fly of his khakis. She touched him through his boxers, and his head fell back on the couch in surrender.

"Oh....honey...you do me so right."

She pushed his shirt up to lay soft wet kisses on his belly for a minute and then unbuttoned his shirt.

"Up," she winked and then dragged his pants and boxers down his legs.

"Honey, you don't-"

"Shhh...let me take care of you."

She never took her eyes from his as she took him in her hand and drew her tongue from the base to the tip like a blade. His dick was perfect. He was so big and hard it was almost intimidating. All she could smell was his cologne and the dish soap they all used to wash their hair and bodies. For a man in the afterworld, he was meticulously clean and smelled delicious. She used her hand and mouth and urged him there with gentle, seductive persuasion. Merle grabbed handfuls of the quilt on the couch and moaned like it was pure heaven for a good five minutes. His thighs tensed and she never let up on him once as he moaned and lay his left hand on her shoulder trying to hold on to his release.

"Darlin'...I can't..."

That was her cue.

Sasha slowly unbuttoned her jeans and pushed them down to the floor right before his dreamy, needy eyes, followed by the white silk panties he had held earlier.

Merle reached for her, and she came to settle on his lap. Sasha teased her wet, slippery lips all over his dick as he clung to her body and moaned into her chest.

"Please, honey....please..." he begged.

She loved bringing him to his knees as it were but she wasn't much for full on torture, so she took him in. Inch by inch, slow and steady, he filled every need and every dark corner of her insides.

"Mmmmm.....yeah..." she breathed and then began to move.

Sasha fucked him at a slower pace before letting it increase naturally and could feel her clit nudging his pubic bone with every thrust of her hips.

He pulled her breasts to his mouth, and the various sensations began to collide in one fit of pleasure.

"I'm there...you feel so right in me, Merle."

"Use me for what you need, honey..take what you need from me."

His words were so full of affection and chivalry, and she couldn't wait another moment to cum on his perfect cock. The cold metal on her back and his warm mouth sucking her nipple like a starving infant...she was done.

The pulsating began with a twitch and then went off the charts as she felt her insides squeezing the life out of his dick.

"Oh fuck....oh my God! That's right, baby!" she cried out loud as it pulled her under the waves of ecstasy.

"Good God, woman! What you doin' to me?" he moaned and lifted her up to lay her down on the couch.

Sasha giggled at his reaction and kissed him quickly before he really took it home. He fucked her hard on his knees, holding her legs up and open to hit the sweet spot she loved. He was skilled on a level she hadn't expected, and she knew she'd want it more and more every day.

He eyed the place where their bodies connected and his eyes rolled back in his head as he forced himself to pull out to cum. She felt the warmth all over her belly and breasts before he collapsed on her and left them both a mess.

"Merle?"

"Just a second, honey...no blood...in my brain...right now," he panted.

She laughed and rested her feet on his ass and held him as he came back around.

Fortunately, he had a rag in his backpack and offered it to her with a shy apology.

"It's OK."

"I gotta find some condoms if this is gonna keep happening."

"It'll keep happening if I have anything to say about it," she winked. "I'm not finished with you yet, Merle Dixon."

"You mean....are you my girl?" he smiled.

"Yeah, I'm your girl."

  


  


  


 


	3. Chapter 3

 

_**Are you my girl? – Chapter 3** _

A few days later, Merle and Daryl were preparing to leave the prison for a few days for a hunting trip. Sasha found herself thinking about Merle almost all the time, but there had been an outbreak of flu, and she had barely any time to even speak to him since the night on watch. If someone had told her a week before that she'd be aching to be alone with Merle Dixon she probably would have laughed, but not now.

Merle kept his promise and didn't breathe a word to anyone, even to Daryl, she could tell. Daryl was an open book who couldn't hide what he was thinking to save his life.

Merle packed up the last of the things he and Daryl needed for the trip and Daryl fired up his motorcycle as she watched with her arms folded and her mind confused. She caught his eye for a moment on his way back to the truck and spoke suddenly without even thinking.

"Be careful."

She wanted to say goodbye to him properly, but they had settled on keeping their relationship a secret from the group, so she played it subtle.

"You too," he smiled, checking around to make sure nobody was watching. "I'll miss you."

He looked bashfully at her and then he was gone, and she realized that Merle Dixon was a romantic at heart and that she was the object of his affection. Something about it struck her as impossibly sweet, and she replayed the words in her mind all day long.

_**I'll miss you...** _

/

Carol and Sasha repaired the fenceline all afternoon with some wire that Daryl had found on a run; it was hot and tedious work. Sasha wore leather gloves and twisted pieces of wire around weak

or broken pieces of chainlink, but her mind was elsewhere.

"You OK?" Carol asked.

"Yeah, I'm good. You?"

"I miss Daryl already," she sighed. "I hate when he leaves, but I know it's just part of life now."

"He's with Merle; he'll be OK."

"I guess so."

"Merle would never let anything happen to Daryl."

"I know, you're right. I just can't stop missing him," Carol relented. "It's so hot out here."

"I know...feels like it's never going to cool down."

Carol still looked down about Daryl leaving, and Sasha could understand it, it was bothering her that Merle was gone too.

"He'll be fine, Carol."

"Thanks, I need to hear that," she smiled. "I just hate sleeping alone now, I've been spoiled by having him with me for all these months."

"Sounds nice."

"It is...I'm very lucky. It's also scary to have so much to lose."

"I could see that."

Sasha had someone to lose now too besides Tyreese, someone she couldn't even talk about.

/

Sasha was wrecked, hot and dirty that night after a day outdoors and as the sun began to set she decided to try out the shower, Merle had mentioned.

Oscar and Axel had designed a rain barrel with a valve that would catch rainwater and keep it warm outdoors in the sunshine. She walked out back and slid behind the makeshift curtain made from a tarp and took off all her clothes. When she pulled the valve and released a slow stream of water, it was almost hot to the touch from the sunshine and 90+ degree heat.

"Oooooh!" she moaned as it flowed all over her hair and skin.

She imagined Merle in the shower with her then and compiled a fantasy in her mind to relieve the tension of the day.

_**You're so beautiful...are you my girl?** _

One hand slid from her neck down to her breasts, and the other roamed even lower as she replayed the sensation of his mouth between her thighs. The way he just teased her clit and stroked her gently from the inside, urging her body to comply and release the flood of pleasure was beyond imagination. Somehow that redneck knew just what her body needed and she knew that she'd be begging for more the second he returned.

It was growing stronger, and she leaned back against the blue tarp as her fingers tried to replicate the soft, wet motion of his tongue. When she came, it was sinful and sweet as she whispered his name all alone in the outdoor shower, just her and her little secret.

/

Up in her cell that night, she felt fresh and clean as she sat down on the edge of her bunk. She prayed that Daryl and Merle would make it back safely and then slid under the sheet to get some always-needed rest.

The sharp corner of a book scratched her skin as she slid her arm underneath the pillow and it scared the life out of her. Sasha had to get up and find her matches to light a candle, but eventually, she was able to discover what the foreign object was all about. Merle had returned one of her books before leaving, and there was a piece of paper sticking out from under the cover.

 _**Just wanted to tell you again that this is really special for me, never thought you'd give me a shot but I'm happy you did. I'll be thinking of you while I'm away, I think about you all the time now. I ain't trying to creep you out by leaving this under your pillow or anything. I just didn't want anyone else to find it. See** _ _**you soon. Be safe. xo** _

Sasha sighed and lay back down with the letter over her head to read it again. This was madness; this man couldn't be Merle Dixon. Merle Dixon was a foul-mouthed redneck monster who'd been the governor's right-hand man, not a man who left sappy notes under pillows like a love-struck tooth-fairy. Sasha knew then that she was in deep but couldn't see how it could work. Merle was right, her brother wouldn't understand and neither would anyone else, and yet she needed him so badly already.

/

"Did you see that?" Daryl hollered.

"You got that little fucker right between the eyes!" Merle praised.

"You're damn right I did!"

Merle smacked his kid brother on the back and pulled out his buck knife to approach the doe and disembowel it. The truck wasn't far off, and Daryl could protect the kill while he ran back for the vehicle.

It was the third day of their trip, and they'd have to get back with their kills before they spoiled. They were canning meat and drying it into jerky now at the prison. Tyreese, Axel and Oscar had constructed a smokehouse that summer so they'd be able to save all of the meat they hunted. Things were looking up for the entire group after so much hardship, and Merle was excited about the future for once. He had his brother back, and it looked like they were going to make it after all.

"We can get back now," Daryl smiled. "We did good this time, feels like the animals are more plentiful lately."

"Yeah, we don't have to track them for miles anymore. It's a good sign," Merle agreed.

"God! I can't wait to get back to Carol," Daryl sighed.

Merle didn't have an answer, but he was thinking the same thing about Sasha. He hoped that a few days without him hadn't given her too much time or space to change her mind about what they had going on. It was just little morsels of a relationship, but Merle was happy to have even that. He knew that Tyreese was only at the stage of tolerating him and wouldn't be happy if he knew about his thing with Sasha. Nobody could know about it, but it was steadily becoming the most important thing in the world to him.

"If things keep going so sweet, maybe I could try for something like what you got," Merle said almost under his breath.

He didn't usually talk with Daryl about deeply personal things like love, but maybe there was a first time for everything.

"Something like what I got?"

Daryl evidently had no idea what he was referring to, and Merle felt like an idiot for even bringing it up.

"I just mean like you and Carol...but maybe I'm too old," he shrugged.

"I didn't know you even wanted anything like that," Daryl mused.

"Didn't think it was an option for me, but maybe it could be."

"Got your eye on someone?" Daryl teased.

"Just might, but I don't wanna jinx it yet."

"Well fuck! I can't believe this!" Daryl laughed.

"I don't wanna say anything yet cause if it don't work out I'll feel like an idiot...but maybe," he smiled.

/

Daryl and Merle made it back on the third night very late, but they had to unload the meat and get it processed before they turned in, the meat meant life for the group. Merle was bloody up to the elbows within the next half hour as he cut the meat into strips for drying and adding to the smoker in the morning. Oscar came to help him and Daryl thankfully and between them, it was done a lot faster.

"You two sure can hunt," Oscar grinned.

"'Bout all I can do," Merle chuckled.

"You've been a big help around here actually...got that generator going again and reinforced the fenceline."

"I guess so," Merle shrugged.

"You guys head to bed, and I'll smoke this up starting tomorrow morning," Oscar offered.

"You sure?" Daryl asked.

"Yeah, go on. I got this."

"Thanks, man!" Merle smiled.

He headed to the back to see if there was any water left in the outdoor shower and thankfully there was a good 3/4 of a barrel. It had rained the night before, so the barrel had filled back up some. He stripped off his clothes and stood in the pitch black night, looking up at the moon as cool water trickled down his body. Merle scrubbed his arms and hands of deer blood and felt pride in contributing to the group's survival.

"Merle?"

A soft whisper behind him was all it was, but he smiled cause he knew it was her.

"Honey?"

Merle was glad that he still had his wrist covered with the black sock that he always wore under the prosthetic, he didn't want to scare her with the way it looked. He didn't like to see it himself, so he often kept the sock on even in the shower to clean it along with the rest of him. Sasha pulled back the blue tarp enough to come into the small space where he was showering, and he felt like he was home again.

"You're a sight for sore eyes, girl."

"I heard your truck pull up outside and I had to come see you."

"I was gonna stop by your cell when I got cleaned up to say hi."

Merle was excited to see her, and he was flattered that she had come in search of him.

"Did anyone see you come out here?" he asked.

"No."

He watched with a wide grin as she pulled her shirt up over her head and gradually removed the rest of her clothing. Moonlight illuminated her soft skin and made her look ethereal in the night air. She moved into his arms then and rested her face on his chest under the trickle of water, and he knew that hiding what they had would be very tricky. Merle never experienced anything like what was happening with Sasha, it scared him to feel so much at once, but it felt so good that he couldn't resist wanting more.

"I was worried you might change your mind while I was away," he confessed.

"If anything I'm even more sure," she whispered. "I thought about you the whole time you were gone."

"Me too, honey. I'm glad you didn't rethink it...but it's going to be hard to hide."

"I don't even want to hide it," she sighed.

"Your brother would be pissed. Family is so important now...I don't want to come between you two."

"Maybe he'd understand."

"You're his baby sister, and he thinks I'm human garbage. I doubt he'd understand this."

Sasha didn't want to discuss anything so dark when they had precious time alone, so she just pulled his lips to hers and kissed him. He returned the kiss with everything he had and soon he was pressing her to the wooden structure that supported the barrel and ran his big hands up and down her body.

"I want you, Sasha...I want you so bad, just for my own."

"Then take me," she whined as his fingers met with the throbbing need between her thighs.

Merle kissed her breasts and teased her out of her mind with slow, wet circles around her clit until she was sobbing and falling apart from the inside out.

With a manly grunt, he lifted her up when she couldn't take anymore and thrust into her with abandon. Her feet rested on his ass, and he held her up with his weight against her body and the use of his good arm. Merle filled her and spread her apart from the inside like she never knew possible. He buried his face into her neck and just nailed her like he hadn't seen her in years and was making up for lost time.

Sasha whined and cried out for more, forgetting that they were only outside the prison and that she should probably keep it down. Merle lay his hand over her mouth to keep her moaning down, and she licked his fingers sensually, bringing him to the edge so easily.

"I gotta cum," he said within minutes, warning her that he'd have to put her down.

"Cum, baby...do it," she purred.

He set her feet down and came all over her sweet thighs like an animal marking his property, but Sasha was nobody's property, and he knew that. Merle was happy to be her property, though, as long as she'd have him. Now that he was with her, he desperately didn't want to lose what they had together. Being with Sasha was already the happiest experience of his whole life.

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is definitely more plot that will develop in the next two chapters but with a story like this, it's vital to establish an actual relationship before that plot moves on. I think you'll probably see why when it happens.  
> Thank you for reading. With an odd pairing like this, I appreciate all the support that much more:) xoxo

_ **Are you my girl? - Chapter 4** _

The days passed like a feather in the wind, careless and free floating. Sasha was gradually lending Merle all of her books, and once again there was a note in the front when he returned the latest one; she loved his notes.

_**Hey, honey!** _

_**I was laying in my bunk last night thinking about you for ages; I wish I could hold onto you till morning. I keep thinking of all the things we could do if the world was good, but then I probably never would have met you. Anyway, thanks for the book and for being my girl.** _

_**p.s. You wanna go for a walk with me tomorrow?** _

Sasha found it especially sweet coming from Merle, the way he was like a teenage boy around her half the time.

Sasha stopped by Merle's cell that night to say she'd love to go for a walk and the smile on his face was priceless, he was clearly excited.

"We can leave nice and early. I could bring some food...like a picnic or something," he suggested.

Merle Dixon had very likely never been on a picnic before, and she loved that he wanted to do this with her. The world didn't feel like it was gone when she was with him, everything was still possible.

"That sounds great," she smiled.

"I'll come get you when I wake up then?"

"Perfect. I can't wait."

/

"What are you up to tomorrow, Sis?" Tyreese asked when he found her assisting with clean up in the kitchen before bed.

"Going for a walk," she said simply, hoping the answer would satisfy him.

"Where to? You want company?"

"I already have company, sorry."

"Carol?" he pressed.

"No...Merle."

"Sasha, why?"

"We're friends, Ty. Just relax."

"How can you be friends with someone like that? There are other people here to talk to, and even more at Woodbury."

"Look, Ty...I love you, but I'm a grown woman, and I can make my own decisions who I talk to, in fact..."

"In fact, what?"

She almost threw it right in his face that she and Merle were an item and that he couldn't do a thing about it, but it wasn't worth the headache. It occurred to her that she would be bringing unwanted heat down on Merle as well.

"Nothing. Just give me a little space. OK?"

"You want space? From me? I'm just trying to look out for you. He's dangerous."

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"What's gotten into you lately?"

"Nothing. Look, I have to go."

/

The next morning had Merle wondering right away what had changed, Sasha wasn't the same. He had come by to pick her up at her cell, and they left before the sun came up with a quick word to Rick that they'd be out for a while. Rick looked at Sasha funny, but she acted like there was absolutely nothing out of the ordinary about them taking a walk together.

"You OK?" Merle asked.

They had been walking for a good mile, and Sasha hadn't said very much. She would just look up at the sky, sigh, and then swing her arms a little. Merle always assumed that she was changing her mind when she acted funny, he couldn't help it.

"I'm good...it's just my brother being a little overbearing."

"He hates me, huh?"

"He thinks you'll hurt me."

"I won't."

"I know that, Merle."

Merle didn't want to cause a problem between Sasha and Tyreese; he couldn't seem to get close to anyone without it being a problem.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, you haven't done anything wrong...he's just overprotective, and he doesn't know you like I do."

"It's always been kinda like this for me," he shrugged.

"Always?"

"It feels like I was never really innocent, even as a kid. Like I was born covered in a layer of filth I could never wash off. When you grow up around people with ugly opinions and ugly politics, it's hard not to get it all over you."

"You're not like the people who raised you," Sasha insisted.

"I used to be."

"People change, you're proof of that."

"Thanks, honey...that means a lot coming from you."

Merle walked her to a creek where he sometimes went to get some peace and with the leaves changing color and the sun shining brightly, it was a beautiful scene. Merle watched Sasha walk a few feet ahead of him; she was carrying a stick and randomly running it along the grass. She was stunning, with the sun on her skin and the wind gently moving her hair, he could hardly manage his thoughts around her. She began to ask him questions about himself, and he was taken aback by it, nobody ever wanted to get to know him better.

"I didn't know that you liked to read before the other day," Sasha said, turning back to see his face, her eyes seeking answers. "Have you always liked it?"

"I used to read war novels as a kid and westerns, that kind of thing. By the time I was a teenager, I discovered a few classics and got into those too. I couldn't afford much for entertainment when I was young, so I'd read to stop my mind from rotting," he laughed.

"You were in the military, right?"

Sasha wanted to know everything about him now that she had him talking. She wanted to be his confidant.

"I was, when I was a younger man...didn't do too well with authority, though, so they handed me my walking papers," he chuckled. "I still ain't good with authority."

"But would you do as I asked?" she purred, coming closer and looking up into his eyes.

"You know, I think I would actually. You can be the boss of me," he grinned.

Sasha was fun and so damn sexy, Merle had never had moments like this with a woman. Most of his interactions with women had been more like transactions. They wanted something, he wanted something, and then it would be over.

"This is nice, hey?" he sighed, taking in the fresh air and sunshine like recharging his batteries.

"It's perfect. We can finally relax and just live...we could do anything with our lives now."

"What do you want to do?" he asked.

"I want to be with you, wherever that leads is what I want," she said, turning to look at him and he shook his head slowly in disbelief.

Would he ever get used to the way she felt about him?

"What?" she grinned, sensing that he was overcome.

"I just...I never felt like this before. It's almost too much to take."

Sasha came close to take his hand and pulled him down to the grass next to the trickling water. Merle kissed her and lay her down on a bed of clover and dandelions; it was a moment he would keep with him in the dark time that followed that perfect day.

"Your brother would freak if he knew that we were doing this," he teased.

"You mean this?" she giggled and slid her hand down the front of his khakis.

"Oh God," he growled, and she continued to drag him under.

Making out with Sasha by the creek; it sounded so perfect to him, like the title of a poem. Daryl would laugh if he knew how deeply he had fallen in love or how sappy he was feeling but life was so hard for so long that he needed this sweetness. He closed his eyes and just kissed her for what felt like forever under a canopy of treetops and wished there were no barriers between them. If he had the guts, he would tell her that he loved her. He wished he could tell everyone that Sasha was his girl, he was so damn proud just to be with her.

"You make me want everything, honey...your body, your future...everything you are," he breathed into her neck as he became absorbed in her.

"We can have a future, but we can't keep hiding this," she answered, pulling his shirt over his head and laying kiss after kiss along his chest.

"But-"

"It won't be easy...but I'm not ashamed, and I don't care what anyone thinks. I want to be with you openly."

"Even if they think you're crazy?" he asked. "It might be worse than you think."

"I don't care. I'm not hiding anymore. Are you with me?"

"I'm with you, honey. Anything you want."

"Good, cause I wanna kiss you all over that prison if I feel like it and sleep in your bed every night."

"You're incredible, honey...come here."

Merle ravaged her then, stripped her bare in the sunlight and held her arms over her head to impale her with every inch of his love.

Sasha shuddered beneath him and whined out into the open air. The way he'd thrust into her with the zeal of a man half his age and growled as he did so was erotic heat like she'd never known. She liked that he was so much bigger than her and a little grizzled by the world, he was purely masculine. He made her feel dainty and feminine like he was her protector and she was his precious girl. She had always been fiercely independent, so it surprised her that she liked the feeling.

The sensation of him filling her and thrusting into her was not like it had been with any other man and each time was different. This time he was dominant and sexy as all hell. He held her arms up over her head with the only hand he had, but his one hand could cover both her wrists with ease, he was her big man. Sasha pulled her feet up high on his back and felt him so deep inside her as he bowed down to taste her breasts and repeat her name.

Merle would never be satisfied unless she was so he finished up the interlude using the tips of his fingers to tease her clit as they made love and she fell apart under him, her back arched deeply, and her eyes shut tight. There was nothing in the whole world more beautiful than her face in that moment, aching with pleasure and absolute surrender.

/

He held her there under the trees for over an hour, and he felt absolutely no rush to get back. Merle took her hand and held it in his own as he talked and she found it a little old-fashioned and cute.

"You got such little hands," he noted, running his rough fingers over her knuckles, their hands intertwined.

"I'd look kinda goofy with big hands," she replied.

"True, just been so long since I held hands with a girl...I think I was a kid."

"That's a long time ago."

"Yeah...it's a shame too, cause I really like holding hands."

"You're full of surprises, Merle Dixon."

"You got any surprises?" he inquired.

"Before the turn, I was a firefighter," she said softly.

"That's impressive," he smiled.

"Cause I'm a woman?"

"Cause fire is fuckin' scary, and you'd go into burning buildings to save people," he chuckled.

"Right answer," she winked.

He shared his Southern Comfort, and they discussed music, family stuff, and their younger years. Time passed slow and sweet like an hourglass turned carelessly on its side.

"When I was a kid I just liked old country like Hank Williams, Buck Owens, and Johnny Cash. When I got a little older, it was all 70s rock and stuff like that."

"I'm trying to figure out what year it would have been when you were 16," she said and closed her eyes as he stroked her hand.

It was approximately 2010 as they sat in that clearing surrounded by trees discussing the concepts of age and time as if those concepts really mattered anymore.

"1974."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, I was born in 1958, so I would have been 16 in 1974...why?"

"I wasn't even born then."

"Jesus! You're right," he laughed.

"I was born in '81," she laughed along.

"I lost my virginity seven years before you were born? You still sure about this?" he chuckled.

Sasha snuggled up closer into his arms and breathed in his scent with a wide smile and her heart filled with peace.

"I'm positive."

/

They were almost back at the prison a few hours later when they decided that they would feel out the best time to tell people over the next couple of days.

"It doesn't have to be today, but I'm not keeping this secret long term," Sasha smiled. "We don't have to hide it; we're doing nothing wrong."

He walked at her side, holding her hand, and she could just tell that he was about to say something of some importance; she could already read him fairly well.

"Maybe it’s for selfish reasons that I don’t want anyone to know about us," he began, and she had no idea what he meant by that.

"Selfish reasons like what?" she asked.

"Maybe I just don’t want to see the confusion and disgust in their eyes when they imagine us together. We’re like Beauty and the Beast, me and you...except I won’t ever turn into no Prince Charming. There’s no spell to undo what I am."

"You're talking out your ass again, Merle Dixon," she said firmly, and he looked down at her in confusion.

Sasha stopped in the field behind the prison dead in her tracks and turned him to face her.

"I never once asked you to be anyone but who you are. I know you're not perfect, nobody is, but you're also a far cry from who you used to be. You need to wrap your head around the idea that I don't want anyone but you."

She could really dish it out, and Merle loved that about her. Sasha was nobody's fool.

"I'll try, I swear to God I'll try."

"Good," she smirked. "So shut up and kiss me before we get there.

And like that, Sasha Williams swept Merle Dixon clear off his feet. He knew that he would die for her without question. He would do anything she asked, and he wouldn't stop trying to make her happy and keep her safe till he drew his last breath.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 5 and 6 are mainly fluff, in fact, chapter 6 is mostly a love letter from Merle to Sasha. It's important in this story to establish the whirlwind romance that they are both swept up in. They have found something precious and beautiful in the afterworld and it's so exciting that they get a little high on love in a very sweet way.  
> Things get bad in chapter 7 but I never write sad endings so please stay with me:) I hope you'll feel like the ending will justify the angst:)  
> Thank you for reading! I appreciate the support with an unusual pairing like this. I'm really loving writing Merle and Sasha in love....sigh:)  
> xoxo

_ **Are you my girl? - Chapter 5** _

Sasha would never fully understand how different Merle was when they were all alone. He was quiet and sweet, and she loved just being with him. When the right time came, they would tell everyone at the prison. Merle just wanted a day or two to think first, and she was fine with that. The heat would come down on his head a lot harder than hers.

/

Sasha found herself out in the yard doing final preparations for the winter with Tyreese the next day and wished so badly that she could tell him everything but Merle was still thinking. She could understand why he was hesitant, he had only just earned back the respect of much of the group, and he wasn't looking to be the bad guy again.

"It's all going to work out now, Sis...after everything we've been through, it's all coming together."

The governor was dead, and they had a tentative alliance with Woodbury; it hadn't come without a battle, but all of that was behind them now. The only issue they had was walkers. That would be an ongoing problem, but one they were getting better at handling every day.

"We could have a future here," she began, nailing boards to the frame of the tower for reinforcement. "Maybe life could actually progress now."

"How do you mean?" he asked, handing her more nails.

"I mean, life. I always wanted to have a family and get married. If life continues to go this way then maybe it's possible."

"Yeah, but who would you marry?" he laughed and then something came to him. "Unless...what about Oscar?"

He knew that Axel wasn't her type and men were in very short supply. He and Oscar had become very close, and the fact that he had been a convict didn't matter to anyone, he was a good man that they all respected.

"He's nice," she nodded and then spotted Merle across the courtyard.

"Maybe you could see how that goes," he mused.

She didn't answer. Instead, her eyes settled on Merle's strong arms as he carried a bundle of wood to the fenceline and she knew she'd be taking watch with him that night.

"I still don't trust him," Tyreese scowled.

"He's not who he was a year ago."

"You know what he did to Glenn and what he almost did to Michonne."

"Rick was considering handing her over too...and Merle let her go in the end."

"Still, there's just something I can't quite pin down about him."

"I trust him," she said, testing the waters to gauge his reaction.

"That's cause he's a conman. Seriously, I'd keep my distance if I was you. The guy is just no good."

She was about to go off about how wrong he was, but she just didn't know where to go from there without spilling the beans about her secret relationship.

"You know, Ty...you might be surprised if you gave people a second chance," she said and simply walked back to the prison.

Sasha loved her brother fiercely, he was all she had left of the old world, but she also knew that she needed Merle now. Their secret meetings were what she was living for lately.

/

Merle was sitting up in the tower that night watching the fence line since a larger group of walkers was on its way through the area. The fence was holding fine, and there wasn't a major call for concern, but he still kept a close watch.

When she knocked on the door, his heart skipped a beat, and he couldn't wait to spend the whole night alone with her. He spoke without thinking.

"Come on in, honey!" he called and then it hit him as the door opened how stupid that was.

"Hey, Ty," he said.

Merle knew his face was white as snow as he looked up at Tyreese with no answer for calling anyone 'honey.'

"Who did you think it was?" Tyreese asked, and Merle had to think on his feet.

"Thought it was Carol, she's practically my sister in law now, so I call her honey for a laugh."

"Really?"

"Yeah....so what's up?"

"I'm going on a run in a couple of days with Axel, and I was wondering if you wanted to come along...you could do some more hunting."

Tyreese wanted to get Merle away from Sasha for a few days, but hunting was something they always needed as well, so the question was motivated by both issues.

"Yeah, I could do that. Where you heading anyway?"

"Way out this time," Tyreese explained. "Glenn's been looking on a map and circled some places that are further north than we usually go, he thinks there could be some good scavenging."

"Count me in," Merle nodded.

Maybe he'd have a chance to get on Tyreese's good side if they had time alone, it was worth a try anyway. If he could make everything easier for Sasha, then it was well worth it.

/

Tyreese left shortly after and then Merle received the visitor he really wanted.

"Hey there, beautiful," he grinned as Sasha walked in and set a dusty bottle of red wine down on the desk from out of her bag.

"Where the hell did you get this?" he exclaimed.

"A little gift from Axel. He had it hidden away, but he said he's giving up drinking since God let him survive the apocalypse this long," she laughed.

"That's sweet of him," Merle chuckled.

He picked up the bottle to scan the label, and it was cheap wine, but he didn't care one bit if it meant a romantic evening with his girl.

"I'm going on a little run with your brother in a couple of days," he said as he used a multitool from his belt to open the wine.

"You are?"

"Yeah, he wants me to come and do some hunting with him and Axel, they're scavenging up north a ways."

Sasha sighed then as he handed her a glass of wine.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"You just got back. I worry like crazy when you're gone now," she confessed.

"You do?" he smiled.

"Merle, I hate when I don't know if you'll make it back or not...do you have to go?"

"It could be my chance to prove to your brother that I'm not a total lost cause. It could be a good thing for us."

"Do you think we could have a future here?" she asked as she settled on his lap.

"Why not? I may be old as fuck, but I'll love you till I get taken out by age or a walker," he chuckled. "That sounds like a good future to me."

"You love me?" she grinned.

Merle was busted. Of course, he loved her, but he had planned to say it better than that.

"I must," he said simply, and she had no idea what that meant.

"You must?"

"I didn't know what I was feelin' at first cause I never felt like this before, but I must love you, it's the only explanation."

"Explanation for what?" she giggled.

"For all the crazy stuff I'm thinkin' about. I wanna impress your brother now, and I never was the type to want to impress anyone before, but I wanna do that for you. I'm thinking about marrying you and building a cabin for us to live in together and wondering what our babies would look like. If that ain't love, then I don't know what is."

He looked apprehensively at her then, his blue eyes seeking some kind of validation desperately.

"Merle...I love you too."

"Then we'll make it work," he smiled. "I'll talk to Tyreese while I'm gone, and somehow I'll get it all worked out."

Sasha kissed him then, and all of her fears melted into thin air as he pulled her in with his huge arms and cradled her close to him. She was a strong woman who didn't need to be babied but it was still nice to let go and be taken care of. A soft place to fall was something she didn't know she needed until she had it.

Merle kissed her slow and gentle, removed her clothing piece by piece like unwrapping a long-awaited gift, and made love to her. Sasha couldn't get over how well he knew her body, how he knew just what she needed to hear or how well they meshed. She looked up into his eyes as they made love that night and it all made sense to her somehow; they were soulmates.

She would remember it in crystal clear snapshots after that night, so clear that it haunted her. His soft kisses along her neck as it began, the way he whispered 'I love you' into her ear as he fucked her, and how incredible it felt to be in his arms. Sex never felt so right before, with Merle it felt like he was the only one who really knew her. It was as if he had some kind of sexual telepathy with her body.

It was so simple, that last time, no craziness or acrobatics...just him over her, her head cradled in his arm and sweet lovemaking like tomorrow was not their problem.

/

Merle read to her that night, poems from one of her books. They drank the bottle of wine, held each other close and dreamed about what they'd do when they were free to be together publicly.

Merle wanted to build them a cabin on the prison land so they could be together every night and Sasha jumped on board his dreams right away.

"I'm gonna do it; I'll build us a home and then we can be together all alone. I can make you breakfast every day and read to you every night before bed...it could be perfect."

"That does sound perfect," she sighed. "Let's do it."

Maybe they were silly pipe dreams but that's how it was when they were together, they could do anything, there were no limits and hope sprang eternally.

"As soon as I get back, everything will be sorted out with your brother, and we can start livin' right," he insisted and pulled her in tight.

"Just be sure to come back to me...promise?"

"I promise."

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter, just a long letter from Merle to Sasha mainly...see you Saturday!  
> Thanks for reading! xoxo

_ **Are you my girl? - Chapter 6** _

The next two days passed in the blink of an eye and Sasha had an overwhelming sense of dread as she watched Axel, Tyreese, and Merle preparing for the trip. Tyreese still didn't speak to Merle very much, but it looked like he was somehow trying to be civil anyway. Sasha wanted to tell someone but didn't know who to tell. Who the hell would understand her desire to be with Merle Dixon for the rest of her life? Who would understand the way they craved each other's bodies like a ravenous hunger? Sasha knew how strange it would look to other people; she wasn't blind.

Before he did leave, he managed to catch her alone in the basement where they first made love. He was happy that he could say goodbye to her properly this time and return another of her books.

"I'll be back before you know it. It's all gonna be OK."

"How do you know that?"

"Cause I waited my whole life for something sweet like you to come along, this just has to work."

They kissed like it was the end of the world, like everything was coming to an end, and they'd never see each other again. Merle pinned her to the wall, lifted her up into his arms and kissed her till his lips were raw. They would have taken the chance to make love again but were interrupted by Tyreese calling from the top of the stairs to get moving. Somehow it didn't seem to dawn on Tyreese that it was odd for them to be alone together in the basement and that amused Sasha to no end.

"I guess I better go," he sighed.

"Please, be careful."

"You too, honey. I love you."

"Love you too."

Sasha had to act normally as Merle drove away with Axel and Tyreese but nothing was OK on the inside, she was worried and took to the laundry room to deal with it in solitude immediately after.

Sasha hadn't thought of it before he left, but now she eyed the book that he returned, maybe he had left a note. She was stunned to find that what was left was so much more than a few goofy lines.

_**Sasha, I have some things I want you to know so get comfy cause I'm probably gonna ramble here.** _

_**When I was a boy, I never had a bunch of big dreams for myself. I grew up in a home where I got beaten for little things. If I spilled a drink, broke a toy, or cried about anything, I would get beaten in a way that left marks. I grew up thinking I deserved it cause why else would it happen if I didn't.** _

_**When my mom died, I tried to be there for Daryl cause I know he needed me, but I failed at that. I failed at so many things. I don't really know why I'm telling you this; maybe it's just cause you are the only person besides Daryl who sees me as human. I don't think anyone wants to hear about what I feel or think except you and Daryl. I don't blame people for hating me; God knows I gave them enough reasons. Pushing people away before they could hurt me has always been a talent of mine.** _

_**I've screwed up a lot in my life, and I don't know why God is letting me have you but I ain't about to question it, I'm just really grateful.** _

_**When I get back, I just want to start my life over with you. I want to be the man who's there whenever you're sad; I want to provide for you and protect you every day. I need you to know that I understand how flawed I am and that if you do take a chance on me, I won't let you down. If we had kids, someday I would do anything for them and for you. I know I'm getting way ahead of myself, but I just want to tell you what I'm thinking. I'm not saying we have to have kids or anything (just if you wanted to). I guess it's stupid at my age to even think about being a dad, but you make me want that, I can't help it. I keep thinking about you being pregnant, and it makes me smile.** _

_**I'm all over the place with this letter, I know that, but that's kinda how my mind is lately, all over the place. I feel nervous leaving now too, cause I got so much to lose for once, more than I ever had in life.** _

_**When I get back, I'll read you all the poems you want, all night on watch if you ask me to. I never loved a woman before or had anybody love me back so forgive me if I'm coming on way too strong, but this feels so damn good. Never thought I'd be the clingy type but you got me all caught up in you, honey. Seriously, if I'm freaking you out just tell me and I'll back off. I really want to be honest with you but it's probably too much, I get it. I'm not trying to pressure you too much. If you ever did change your mind about me, I would respect that, I'd cry like a big baby, but I'd respect your choice. Just remember that I love you, honestly and completely, and nothing will ever change in my heart.** _

_**Merle xo** _

_**p.s. I'll try to make your brother understand how much I love you and that I don't mean you any harm (wish me luck! Ha ha!)** _

Sasha sat on the edge of the bed for a full five minutes trying not to cry or lose her mind. She ran her hands over his handwriting and closed her eyes to replay the last moment before he walked away. It was too much to take, and she had to cry a little.

Nobody was just one thing or one mistake. Sasha understood Merle then, maybe even better than Daryl did, and she just wanted to hold him and tell him it was all OK. As soon as he got back, they would make it known to everyone. Sasha wasn't going to hide her love anymore, and she wanted Merle to know how proud she was to be with him. Maybe Tyreese wouldn't understand, but he would have to accept it because she wasn't giving Merle up for anyone. When they were together again, she would scream it from the tower of the prison, "Merle Dixon is my man, deal with it!".

She smiled to herself when she pictured everyone's jaw dropping, but she didn't care, this was her life, and she'd run it the way she wanted. A love like the one she shared with Merle didn't come along twice in a lifetime, especially in the world they lived in, so Sasha wasn't about to take it for granted.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

_**Are you my girl? – Chapter 7** _

The road lay out before them, and Merle sat in the passenger seat with Axel next to him and Tyreese at the wheel. It was awkward, but everything he wanted in life was riding on getting into Tyreese's good books. It would make life so much easier for Sasha if he could just show him that he was trustworthy. Merle would never deny having an anger problem at times, being erratic when provoked, or even a little irresponsible, but he loved Sasha, and he'd never do anything to hurt her.

"Hope we can find some damn cigarettes," Axel sighed. "I ain't had a smoke in weeks."

Merle pulled a pack from his bag and handed it to Axel to shut him up.

"Why the hell do you have these?"

"I just keep 'em in case I find a smoker I need to bargain with. I don't even smoke," he laughed.

"Wish I knew you had these."

"Didn't know you needed one. Sorry, man. You could have asked Daryl for one; he's got a bunch."

"I already was bumming from him, but he told me to stop being a leech and go find my own."

Tyreese laughed at the interaction and said he was pulling over if Axel needed to light up.

"I hate the smell of that shit in the truck, so you're smoking on the side of the damn road."

"Fine by me."

They pulled over for a short break, and Merle asked Ty about the route they were taking.

"It's up the railroad track a ways. There's a few department stores that might have something left and Glenn mentioned a big pharmacy that someone at Woodbury told him about."

"Sounds good."

"Yeah. Maybe you could hunt in the morning...you're good at that."

"I'm trying to contribute however I can."

Axel was happily smoking his cigarettes in the ditch and blowing smoke rings up into the sky like the world was his own personal happy place, but Merle was feeling nervous with Tyreese. He didn't know what to say to earn his trust and respect.

"Winter's coming," Tyreese noted. "Hunting is important if we want to make it over the colder months."

"I can trap in the winter too; I won't let the group go hungry."

"That's good," Tyreese nodded with a half smile, it looked like he was really trying to like him.

"I know I made a ton of mistakes, I don't deny that...but I'm a different man now. I'm not out to hurt anyone; I just want to be part of the group."

"That's a good thing cause this group doesn't need any more trouble."

"It's been going pretty good for a year now, and things will only get better. I'm gonna do my part," Merle assured him.

Merle was trying to lay the groundwork for the real conversation he wanted to have but admitting that he had slept with this man's sister would not be easy; he might very well get slugged for his trouble.

"Ahhhhh!" Axel yelped out of nowhere, and it made both Merle and Tyreese jump out of their skin.

Axel had to move his ass fast when a walker in the ditch with broken legs squirmed upon him and tried to take a bite out of his ankle. Merle sauntered over to take out the walker as Axel coughed on sharply inhaled smoke and beat his own chest to catch his breath.

/

The rest of the afternoon passed with little incident, they found a small town with a hardware store and took some tools. Merle took a hacksaw down from a shelf and realized it was the first time he had touched a hacksaw since he used one to take off his own hand. It made him feel a little depressed when he remembered the desperation of the rooftop. Merle felt incomplete after what happened and not just physically; he felt like he had lost something good inside himself. Somehow Sasha still wanted him the way he was, and that baffled him. She could have a man with a clean record in life, a good man with both hands, a young man with years of life ahead of him. Sasha could have it all.

/

Tyreese went for a short walk to collect firewood when they got back to the woods to camp and Merle discovered that his love affair with Sasha was not the secret he thought it was, Axel had figured it all out, but somehow he was the only one.

"So, you got something going on with Sasha?" Axel asked.

"Why do you ask?" Merle deflected.

His heart was racing, and he was frantically trying to figure out how he had screwed up and revealed the truth.

"Just got a feelin’. All of a sudden she don't wanna take watch alone, she's taking you now."

"Can you keep your yap shut?" Merle sighed.

"Hell yeah."

"We’re in love."

"Serious? Wow! Now that’s a nice thing in this shitty world, ain’t it?"

"You bet it is. Ty hates me though so we're keeping it hushed until I can smooth things over with him."

"She’s a fair bit younger than you," Axel noted.

"I know, I don’t get it either, but she said she loves me too so who am I to argue?"

"That’s good. You’re a good guy, Merle."

"You think?"

"Hell yeah. I ain’t got no problems with you."

"Thanks, man."

"Y’all gonna get married?"

"I want to. I wanna have a family with her and everything if I can," Merle smiled.

It felt good to be able to say it out loud to someone besides Sasha.

"Awww! Little half black and half one-handed redneck hick babies! That’s nice!" Axel teased.

"Jesus, Axel! What the hell's wrong with you?"

"I’m only kidding! I’m happy for you, and with any luck, the babies will look mostly like her. She's a stunner and you're...Merle," Axel chuckled.

"Fuck you," Merle laughed, but he could see his point. "God, I love that girl...when I get back I’m gonna be the man I shoulda been all along."

"A man needs a good woman to keep him honest."

"You got that right. Sasha’s a hell of a good woman too."

"You’ll be back with her before you know it, my friend."

"I can’t wait. I miss her lovin’ something fierce already," Merle sighed.

"I bet. I gotta say I'm impressed at an old fucker like you keeping a pretty young one so satisfied," Axel chuckled.

"You do know that I could snap you in two, right?" Merle warned.

"Yeah, but you won't. You're teddy bear underneath all that bullshit bravado."

Merle let Axel get away with talking to him that way; Axel was so harmless that he had to take it with a grain of salt.

"Sasha is more than satisfied, I assure you."

"Jokes, man! Just jokes!" Axel assured him with a sly wink of his eye.

/

By nightfall on the first night away from the prison, Axel was crashed in the truck by sunset and Merle was left sitting next to Tyreese across a fire.

"I wonder what Sasha is up to now," Tyreese said out of nowhere, and Merle tried not to pay any special attention to it. "She was talking about moving on with her life now that things are more settled...even marriage and stuff like that."

"Yeah? Well, that's good right?" Merle replied in a noncommital way.

"I told her she should go for Oscar. He's a great guy."

"He is," Merle answered.

_What else could he say?_

"Did she say anything about him to you? I know you two have been friendly lately."

"She didn't say anything to me about it."

Merle didn't know what to say; Oscar actually did make a lot of sense for Sasha. Oscar was young, handsome, and strong and just an all-around decent man.

"Sasha deserves to settle down," Tyreese continued. "I want to see her happy."

"Me too."

He couldn't bear to talk any more about Sasha and the possibility of her being with Oscar instead. He didn't want to admit that Oscar was probably a much better choice for her. He wondered if she had thought about Oscar that way and it made him feel like a fool for pouring his heart out to her in a letter that went on and on about being together forever.

"I gotta take a leak," he groaned and got up to find some peace.

Merle walked into the trees and found a quiet spot to pee and gather his thoughts. If he had known that Tyreese was already so intent on setting Sasha up with Oscar, he wouldn't have come in the first place. It was too late to run from it now, though. He wondered if he could still change his mind, but it didn't look promising.

Merle went to buckle up his belt then, with a defeated sigh and that's when he realized that he was being watched. How had his mind wandered so much that he didn't hear someone coming up behind him?

"I ain't got nothin' worth taking," he said, raising his hands in the air when he heard the cocking of a handgun.

"You do have something worth taking, you fool."

"What?" Merle asked.

"Your life."

A young and slender man stepped out of the darkness and Merle knew that without the gun he could take him without breaking a sweat, but he did have a gun. Two more men appeared next to the man and insisted that he lead them back to his camp.

Tyreese jumped up immediately when he saw strangers holding Merle at gunpoint and began to plead.

"Hey, guys! We can play ball here. Just take the truck, we got some weapons, take it all, and we'll just walk away...nobody has to get hurt."

"Oh, we're taking all of your shit, that goes without saying. The thing is that we also need some muscle. We have a position available at Terminus for security and one of you will be coming with us."

"Who are you?" Merle asked.

"I'm Gareth, that's all you need to know. So who's coming with us...and not the scrawny guy hiding in the truck, he'd be worse than useless to us."

"I'll come with you," Merle said.

If anyone had a chance of getting away from these guys it was him. Tyreese was younger and probably stronger, but Merle wasn't about to sacrifice Sasha's brother to these assholes.

"I don't know..."

"What's wrong?" Merle asked.

"You're kinda...how do I put this politely? You're old as fuck."

"I'm old, but I'm strong. I'm probably the best hunter left in the whole damn country, and I can still put in a full day's work. I ain't afraid of nothing."

"You only got one hand," Gareth argued.

"I amputated it myself with a hacksaw...I told you, I ain't afraid of nothing."

"A hard screw we got here, boys!" Gareth praised. "Hard as nails right here."

"And what about you?" one of the other men asked Tyreese.

"I'll come if you want me to. I'm younger than Merle, and I'll do whatever you ask of me."

"This is a hard choice...I need to discuss this with my group for a minute," Gareth teased and walked a few feet away, never taking the gun from his tight aim on Merle's brains.

Merle kept his eyes on Tyreese and hoped like hell they'd take him instead of Sasha's brother. He would never feel right going back to her if Tyreese was captured anyway. A minute later they returned with their decision, and Merle was chosen as the hostage.

"You're old but you got some coconuts cutting off your own hand like that, and we need a guy who can do some butchering."

"Huh?"

"You'll see."

The truck was taken and all of their weapons. Tyreese and Axel were left with only their feet to get back to the prison, and it would be a hell of a walk without weapons, a dangerous trek.

Merle could only get one sentence out, and it was to Axel when Tyreese was already out of earshot down the road.

"Tell her that I love her more than anything and that I'll try my best to come home."

"I'll tell her, buddy. I promise. Stay strong."

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not the end! Hang on! I swear it will be worth it!  
> Thanks for reading! Love you:) XOXO

_ **Are you my girl? – Chapter 8** _

"How old are you anyway?" Gareth asked.

"52."

"Why did you have to cut your own hand off?" another man asked.

The last thing Merle wanted was to reveal the worst moment of his life to strangers who were holding him hostage, but he had no choice.

"I was cuffed to a rooftop."

"Bet that hurt like a bitch!" the third man winced.

"Yeah," Merle answered dryly.

"So where are you from?" Gareth asked.

Merle would sooner die than reveal where Sasha slept at night, so he lied.

"Last place was an old farmhouse, but we don't settle anywhere for long. My group will be moving on as soon as they see I didn't come back, we do that if anyone gets captured as a safety measure."

"You ain't getting back to them anyway, so it doesn't much matter."

"Whatever. I got no family anymore anyway."

He decided to play pretend that he didn't care about his detainment. If they thought he didn't care about being there, they just might watch him less closely. His head was full of strategy, and all he wanted was to get back to his girl.

Merle was taken to a huge compound and held in a C-can all alone. This was the breaking process, and Merle was no stranger to it. In the military, there were hazing periods, and from his childhood, he knew what dominance was all about. They were going to show him who was boss and he accepted it, for the time being anyway. He planned to make them believe he couldn't care less that he was their prisoner. He'd go along just to get along and then when he earned their trust he'd make a break for it.

The very first night at Terminus he sat back in the huge steel storage container in the dark with no clothes on and ate the stale bread they tossed at him. Somehow, though, Merle still smiled when he thought of the incredible fact that he had Sasha's love. He'd get back to her if it was the last thing he did and that's all he focused on. Just touching her face again, kissing her lips, and laying silently with her in his arms listening to her breathe, that's what he wanted most.

Merle sat down on the cold steel with his bare ass and sighed to himself. He wondered how long they'd play this game before they let him out to hunt or do something useful but he wasn't about to complain either way.

Eventually, he closed his eyes to try and get some rest. He had no idea what his life would look like at Terminus and what would be expected of him. He had to prove to them that he was worth feeding, that he was worth being kept alive, and that his age was no obstacle.

He thought of the poem he read to her the first night on watch together, it just fit.

_**Come to me in my dreams, and then** _

_**By day I shall be well again.** _

_**For then the night will more than pay** _

_**The hopeless longing of the day.** _

"Goodnight, honey," he whispered, and within the next twenty minutes, he was asleep.

/

It took almost two days to get back to the prison on foot. Tyreese was wrecked, and Axel whined all the way back.

"We're almost there, Axel! Just stop your complaining, damn it!"

"Sorry, but my feet are killin' me!"

"Mine too, but bitching won't help anything. At least we aren't in Merle's boat."

"Yeah...I felt so damned useless when they just took off with him like that. Where the hell is Terminus anyway?"

"No idea, man. I don't want another war, but we'll have to try and get him back I suppose."

"You suppose? He's one of us! Of course, we have to get him back."

"Alright, I know."

"Ahhh! Home sweet home!" Axel groaned as the prison came into view.

Rick was right at the gate when they walked up and asked immediately where Merle was.

"He was taken. Three guys from a place called Terminus took him back there at gunpoint. We did all we could, but they had a gun to his head...there wasn't any way to fight back. They took all our weapons and the damn truck too."

"Where is this place?" Rick asked.

"No idea, I never heard of it before. We were at least 8 miles north of here so maybe it's up north."

"Damn it!" Rick huffed. "Daryl is gonna go apeshit!"

"I know, but we did everything we could," Axel defended.

"I ain't saying anything like that," Rick sighed. "I just mean that I thought all this bullshit was over. After Woodbury, I thought we could enjoy some peace for once."

"Me too. Let's gather everyone up and discuss our options," Tyreese suggested.

"Good idea. This is gonna take the wind out of everyone's sails."

/

"Sasha!"

"Ty?"

She could hear his voice at the top of the basement steps and grinned to herself. Merle would be back too, and she couldn't wait to see him. Tyreese didn't sound pissed, so maybe he was on board with her and Merle giving it a go together.

"You guys back already?"

"We need you up here. We need to talk."

"What's wrong?" she asked as she walked toward the steps.

"Come on."

"What's wrong, Ty?"

"It's about Merle; he was taken by some men on the run."

"What? Who?"

"Just some men from a place called Terminus. We don't know anything about them, so we need to get everyone together to make a plan."

"Jesus!" she exclaimed and didn't know if she could keep her cool.

"It'll be OK. Merle is tough. We'll think of something. I know you two are...friends or something."

She leaned against the wall at the bottom of the stairs and told him she'd be right up; she needed to compose herself somehow.

"Just gimme a minute...I'll be right up," she called, her voice trying to break on her.

"Alright, see you in the main cellblock," Tyreese answered before heading over to the meeting.

"No no no no! Fuck! No!" she repeated and plopped down on the mattress, trying not to cry.

She wiped at her face and eyes every time a tear brewed up and took deep breaths to keep it all under control.

"Damn it!" she hissed.

Apparently, Merle hadn't had a chance to talk to Tyreese, and he still knew nothing about them. What was she supposed to say now? How could she pretend that it was 'just Merle' and not her lover that was in danger? Was now the right time to tell anyone?

/

Axel watched Sasha's face closely in the meeting and felt horrible for her. Nobody else seemed to clue into the panic all over her face or the way she was wringing her hands. He needed to talk to her alone. He had to tell her that he understood her pain and offer to help. Axel wasn't an especially brave man, but he'd do what he could to get Merle back. Merle was an underdog, just like him, and he deserved to get back to Sasha in Axel's opinion. Everyone deserved a second shot in this world. 

 


	9. Chapter 9

_ **Are you my girl? - Chapter 9** _

The group decided that, since they didn't know anything about Terminus, they would need to find out all they could, starting with where the hell it was.

Sasha volunteered to go straight to Woodbury to ask questions. They had a working relationship with the group there, and surely someone would have heard of this place. Axel jumped in to go with her, and she packed up a car to make the trip as soon as the meeting was over.

Sasha drove out the gates of the prison in a daze and just had to keep moving to stay sane. Axel sat next to her, but he was acting funny, so she pressed him for a reason why.

"What do you think of the people who took Merle? Do they strike you as killers?" she pleaded.

"Sasha...I don't know what they might do, I'm sorry. There is something I need to tell you, though."

"What is it?" she asked.

"I know about you two."

"What?" she exclaimed.

"It ain't his fault; I kinda dragged it out of him...I could just tell."

"How?"

"You always wanted to be on watch alone and then all of a sudden you were always with Merle. I could tell by how he'd always smile at you too."

"He did?" she grinned.

"Yeah. He kept watching you with this big dopey smile on his face. The man is crazy for you."

"What did he tell you?"

"He rambled about you quite a bit. The last thing he said to me was 'Tell her that I love her more than anything and that I'll try my best to come home.'"

"I need to find him, Axel. I'm losing my damn mind."

"We'll find him, Sasha. I'll help however I can."

"Why are you jumping in to help like this?" she asked.

"Cause I saw that man's face when he talked about you...that's worth dying for."

"Let's hope it won't come to anything like that."

"How did you two end up together anyway. You're a hell of an odd couple," he chuckled.

Sasha couldn't help the warm feeling that washed over her when she thought about that first day. It had been so unexpected and so beautiful. Sasha could still feel his hands on her and hear his whispered words in her ear; she knew that the memory would haunt her always.

"I was just folding laundry, and he ended up helping me...he was just there, and he was being really sweet. It's hard to explain, but I couldn't take my eyes off of him," she smiled and replayed it in her head.

She recalled the look on his face as he realized he had been holding her panties and the bashful way he said 'Oops.' It was an almost magical moment between them. By the time he left the room that day Merle had her heart, and she had his.

"Sounds nice."

"It was. I was just drawn to him that day, and we made love right there in the laundry room," she sighed. "He isn't who everyone thinks he is."

"Who is he?" Axel asked.

"He's funny and crude, but he's also quite sensitive believe it or not. He writes me love letters and reads me poetry...he likes to hold hands," she whimpered before swiftly reining it in.

"You two are absolutely stupid for each other, aren't you?"

"Yeah," she answered, never taking her eyes from the road.

Axel could see the tears welling in her eyes and insisted again that they would find him, they wouldn't stop until they did.

/

At Woodbury, they found absolutely nobody that had even heard of Terminus and Sasha lost it a little.

"Are you sure? We desperately need to find this place. One of our men was taken there at gunpoint," she pressed.

Maybe someone was just hiding the fact that they knew about Terminus, she was willing to annoy them to be certain.

"I swear, Sasha, if we knew anything we'd tell you," Milton assured her.

"I know...I'm sorry."

"Who did you lose anyway?" Andrea asked.

Andrea had stayed behind at Woodbury to rebuild after the governor was killed, the citizen trusted her, and she was happy there.

"Merle Dixon."

"Oh," Andrea said softly, and Sasha could see a certain understanding in her eyes. Maybe it was something in her eyes that another woman could read more easily.

Perhaps the rest of Woodbury wouldn't understand why she'd miss Merle so much, or why anyone would, but she didn't care. Merle wasn't the same man who left Woodbury the year before; he had made up for the past and grown into someone new, someone worth saving.

/

When Sasha and Axel made it back to the prison, Daryl was marking off a grid on a map and said he wasn't stopping until he found Terminus and brought his brother home.

With nowhere to start except north, Daryl gathered a group of willing volunteers including Sasha, Carol, Axel and Michonne and they set out first thing in the morning to locate and rescue Merle.

Sasha contemplated telling everyone about her relationship with Merle but she wanted everyone to focus on the rescue, they could tell the group together when he was found. She wasn't in any emotional state to have the argument with Tyreese over Merle anyway, all of her energy needed to be reserved for the search and at least she could speak to Axel about her pain. Axel was swiftly becoming her closest friend, and she found herself feeling so comfortable around him.

The night was hell as she lay in her bunk reading his notes and letters. Sasha tried to believe he was alive and that she'd see him again, she'd forced herself to believe it if she had to.

/

Sasha could only feel a sense of calm as the week passed when she was actively working to bring Merle home. Sitting still, eating, or sleeping were all difficult tasks to tackle when all she wanted to do was move.

Crossing off locations on the grid as they moved brought her a feeling of progress. Sure, they hadn't found him yet, but they were working on it, something was being done. Searching was labor intensive. They had to transport food, continuously search for gasoline and functioning vehicles, and the weather was stormy one minute, overly warm the next, and then chilly in the evening. They couldn't go out every day and when they did it was hard to cover the kind of terrain that they hoped to. It was exhausting, disappointing, and 100% fruitless so far, but they didn't stop trying.

Every person they met along the way was questioned at length about the elusive Terminus, not that they crossed paths with many people. One by one, the group were met with blank stares and shrugging shoulders.

"How has nobody heard of this place?" Michonne groaned. "Are you sure it wasn't something else...you're sure they said Terminus?"

Axel insisted that it was and that he hadn't heard it wrong, but it seemed as though they were searching for Atlantis itself. Nobody had heard of it or had any idea where to look.

"Hey, we won't stop looking," Carol smiled, taking Daryl's hand and leaning her head on his shoulder.

"Thanks."

"Don't lose hope. You know Merle won't go down without a fight...we'll find him and bring him home," she said softly.

"Keep telling me that, I need to hear it," he sighed.

"Always, baby."

Sasha watched as Carol comforted Daryl and drank in her words as well, she needed to hear it too.

/

Merle stood horrified and motionless for a moment, taking in the reality of where he was and what was happening. The place was madness incarnate. Gareth's mother and brother were involved in the operation of the death camp as well, nothing about it seemed real. He discovered that one of the men who kidnapped him in the first place was Gareth's brother Alex and his mother, Mary, looked like the last person who would slaughter people. Merle had been no angel in life, but this place was so far beyond anything he was used to.

"I can't do this," he uttered.

Merle had done some terrible things in his life, but this was beyond everything else.

"You'll do it, or you'll be joining the rest," Gareth insisted. "I know you probably have a profound moral judgment, but the fact is that we don't care. This is who we are, and this is how we survive."

"This is...sickening," Merle said, looking around him at the bodies in a trough.

Gareth wasn't about to take any more back talk and pulled his gun from the holster at his hip.

"You said you'd do as I say. Do you want to go back in the C-can?"

Merle had already spent a week in the C-can and didn't want to go back. It also dawned on him that if he didn't play ball, they'd just do away with him anyway.

"I'll do it," he relented.

"I know you will. So get started."

They never put their weapons down. Every single person he interacted with, held a gun on him, and they never took a break. He was guarded when taking a leak, eating, even sleeping he was guarded. Merle had never seen a better run system for keeping prisoners. There were two others,  kept as workers, but almost everyone who entered Terminus ended up on the menu. Merle was told that they used to put up signs, but word had gotten around, and they didn't want to be easily located by anyone who knew what they did. They got enough fresh meat simply by people stumbling upon the place by accident anyway.

It was horrifying for him, and he spent his nights replaying the screaming of people who came to realize that there was no way out. They hadn't forced him to take part in murder as of yet, but he was forced to clean up afterward and butcher the remains. He felt like his hands would never be clean again and didn't feel worthy of touching Sasha anymore. He couldn't ever tell her what he had done if he escaped, he didn't want to admit it to himself. It had only been a few days, and he wondered when he would snap, he could already feel it coming.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A more uplifting chapter:)  
> More tomorrow! Thanks for reading! xoxo

_ **& Are you my girl? Chapter 10** _

_ **One month later (5 weeks since Merle's capture)** _

Sasha didn't stop to rest for weeks, she read his letters, ate, searched, and slept only when exhausted. Her world was a nightmare, and by the time it dawned on her that her regular monthly nuisance was late Merle had already been gone for five weeks.

"Did you get it?" she pleaded.

"Yeah. Don't these things expire though?"

"I don't think so," she sighed.

"Where is Tyreese anyway?" Axel asked.

"Hunting with Daryl again."

"So you're gonna tell me when you know the results, right?"

"Of course, but I don't know what the hell I'll do if it's positive. I'm going out again tomorrow to search."

"Again? You've only been home since yesterday, and it's getting pretty chilly at night now."

"I'm not stopping. I only came back cause I needed food and clean clothes. You know I'm not stopping, Axel."

"I know that...I know, but if that test is positive, then you might have to stop at some point."

"No. I read his letter every single night, and I'm not giving up until he's back where he belongs."

"OK, I get it...now go and take that test already. You've been making me panic about this all damn week."

"Did the Woodbury women ask any questions?"

"Nah, they just kinda winced at the idea of a baby in this world. I think it'll be OK, though, Judith is doing fine, and we have Hershel."

"Thanks," she smiled.

"Now go! It's driving me crazy waiting!"

Sasha grinned and ran off to see what her future held for her. No matter what, she would be on the road again in the morning searching for Merle. Nothing would stop her searching.

Tyreese was worried about her obsession with finding Merle and told her again and again that she should give it up, but she refused. He questioned her about the importance of finding Merle, and she simply told him that he was a member of the group and therefore deserved to be rescued like any of them and went about her business. She knew that Tyreese likely suspected that there was more to her search than that, he would have to be a fool not to know that she had feelings for Merle, but he never came right out and asked.

/

Merle had almost lost hope by the end of the first month and resigned himself to his new life. They never once left him alone or without a weapon held straight at his head. He was grateful that they hadn't forced him to actually kill anyone but he still felt complicit in the machinery of murder, he was a cog in that wheel. The things he was made to do were unspeakable, and he felt lower than dirt. Merle could hardly sleep at night and felt years older than when he had been captured. He was given just enough to eat to stay alive. No meat, only bread, and porridge, but he wouldn't have trusted meat anyway. Merle felt like he was in his 70s, not the virile man of 50 who had won Sasha's heart. What could he offer her if he saw her again now anyway? His mind felt irreparably damaged, and his body was weak. The sounds of unsuspecting victims pleading just wouldn't stop, and he was exhausted by it all.

Still, every single night he was with Sasha again, if only in his mind. He wondered if she had given up on him. He wondered if she was with Oscar now. He wondered if he'd ever see her beautiful face again.

He was allowed to have paper, the only thing he asked for, and so he wrote her letters and poems like a madman every time he was alone. Merle wrote her name in hearts over and over and over until his hand hurt, somehow it helped to stop him going completely insane.

Sometimes he cried when it got to be too much and prayed that one day they would let their guard down and give him just one chance to get away and go home. He thought about killing himself when he realized that every day he would be forced to do ugly things again. He made himself keep going, though, because as long as he was breathing there was hope that he'd have her back in his arms again someday. Even if she was with someone else when he got free, he just needed to see those eyes again. He knew that she would at least hug him if he escaped and he stayed living for the possibility of that embrace.

When he was able to sleep, he dreamed of being in the woods again with Daryl. He dreamed about Sasha. He dreamed about little ones calling him daddy, and each child had her beautiful face.

/

"It's positive."

Sasha almost broke down then as she remembered how badly Merle wanted to see her pregnant. She had been stunned to hear that he wanted children but she loved the surprise of finding out who he really was. Merle had a beautiful soul.

"Isn't it good news?" Axel asked, taking her in his arms.

"Of course...but he's not here...I might never see him again."

"You will. I'll come with you, and we'll finish the northeast side of Daryl's grid. He's still in the process of covering northwest with Carol....we'll find this place."

"Axel...I can't do this alone. I just want him here so bad."

"I know, and I'll keep looking with you. I'm sorry we didn't find him yet."

Sasha held Axel close and cried into his chest as she wished inside that it was Merle she was holding. Merle had to see their baby; he had to be there somehow. Axel had been the only one she felt she could tell for that last month and without him, she didn't know how she could go on. Axel wasn't someone she ever thought she would need this way, but neither was Merle. Sasha had opened herself up to new people and found that she needed these people like the very air she breathed.

"Thank you for being there for me, Axel. Thank you for never giving up."

"Hey, what else do I have to do? And this is in the name of true love anyway! What's worth more than that?"

"You really are the most incredible guy; you know that?"

"I'm an Ex-con turned Cupid," he laughed.

/

"I just don't think we're gonna find him."

"Daryl, don't-" Carol protested.

"No. I really think it's over. I lost him...again."

"We can keep looking, babe. There's no reason to give up now."

"There is, though."

"Daryl..."

"We're wasting gas every day we go out, and we haven't found a single shred of evidence that this place exists or that he's even alive."

"Sasha won't stop, so we shouldn't either," Carol insisted.

"Why is she so into this anyway? What's up with that? Merle is my brother, and even I can see that it's hopeless. Why the hell does she spend all her time searching for a man she barely even spoke to?"

"Daryl...have you ever thought that maybe there's something more to Merle and Sasha than we know?"

"Huh?"

"It's the only thing that makes any sense. There's just something in her eyes when we talk about him...I think they had something going on."

"Merle and Sasha? You think?"

"I'll happily entertain another explanation for the fact that she never sleeps, paces the cellblock all night, and spends every other available moment on the road searching for him, but I can't think of one."

Daryl recalled the conversation he'd had with Merle ages ago and it had all new meaning to him. It was so simple when he really thought about it, but it just hadn't occurred to him until that very moment.

/

_**"If things keep going so sweet, maybe I could try for something like what you got."** _

_**"Something like what I got?"** _

_**"I just mean like you and Carol...but maybe I'm too old."** _

_**"I didn't know you even wanted anything like that."** _

_**"Didn't think it was an option for me, but maybe it could be."** _

_**"Got your eye on someone?"** _

_**"Just might, but I don't wanna jinx it yet."** _

_**"Well fuck! I can't believe this!"** _

_**"I don't wanna say anything yet cause if it** **don't** _ _**work out I'll feel like an idiot...but maybe."** _

_**/** _

Maybe Sasha was the one Merle didn't want to jinx things with; perhaps she was the one who had given him new hope for the future. Daryl felt renewed desire to look for him then. If Sasha was going to keep looking then so was he.

 

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

_ **Are you my girl? - Chapter 11** _

"Sasha?"

She looked up from the bag she was packing to find Daryl in the doorway of her cell. The sun wasn't even fully up, but she was already on her way.

"Yeah?"

"I'll come with you, me and Carol both will."

"Me and Axel are leaving right away. Are you ready?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want to take the east or west portion of your grid?"

"I have a good feeling the east."

Sasha was happy to have help, it felt like everyone else had moved past the idea of finding Merle alive, but apparently, Daryl still believed.

"Sasha...I need to ask you something."

"Go ahead," she answered, pushing another pair of pants into her bag and barely listening to him.

"Do you love him?"

It wasn't a secret anymore. The way she was still so determined to search, the way she had been acting so restless and distraught; she wondered who else knew.

"Yes."

"And he loves you too," Daryl said.

"Yes. It wasn't me that wanted to hide it...it was Merle. He thought that Tyreese would be pissed and that people wouldn't understand. I never wanted to hide it."

"That sounds like him," Daryl sighed.

Sasha reached into her bag and pulled out the first note Merle had sent her, the one he had left under her pillow in the beginning.

"There are more...that's the first one."

"I had no idea."

"I need to find him, Daryl...I'm pregnant."

"What?" Daryl exclaimed.

"I only just found out but he wants this, and I need to find him."

"Merle wants to be a dad? I had no idea."

Sasha grabbed a book from her little bedside table and handed him the longer letter he wrote her just before he left; she had it saved between the pages of poetry he read to her.

Daryl didn't know this man, the one who wanted to have children and who could see every event in his life with such clarity and objectivity. Daryl didn't know that this is who Merle really was and it killed him that maybe this man was already dead. Sasha still had hope and he felt obligated to her to keep looking no matter how long it took. Sasha was carrying his future niece or nephew and he would do everything it took to get Merle back to her.

"Jesus," he whispered as he finished the last few lines of the letter.

"See why I can't stop now?" she asked.

"I see it...I wish you would have told me."

"I wish I would have told everyone ages ago, but I just couldn't focus on anything but searching. I don't know how Tyreese will react and to be honest, it wouldn't change anything if he didn't accept it. All I care about is finding him, telling people about us can wait. I have a baby coming who needs their father."

/

"Time to get your hands dirty, Dixon," Gareth called as his cell was opened that morning.

Merle was kept in the C-can every night, he still wasn't allowed a bed after more than a month.

"My hands are already dirty," he muttered.

"Not yet they aren't, but they will be by the end of the day."

Merle knew what Gareth meant, and if he had to cross this line, the line where he was made to kill people, then he knew he couldn't go back to Sasha. He had killed before, but that was so long ago, and he regretted it deeply. Maybe it was silly, but he felt like he had moved passed his sins and was becoming a new person, the kind of person who could be worthy of love with a woman. Killing again, and in such a brutal way, was something that Merle Dixon didn't think he could come back from.

He was dragged out to the yard and given instructions about how 'round up' worked and all of the protocol. The other two men who were captives stood beside him and he knew they dreaded it as much as he did. Merle wondered if they could escape if they joined forces but there never seemed to be a moment when they weren't heavily guarded. He had never been allowed to speak to them alone.

After the murder briefing they were taken to the same C-can for once and held together for the first time. Fisher and Adam had known each other before they were captured and spoke sometimes late at night through the walls of the metal containers.

"I can't do this shit," Merle said. "You guys got an idea how to get out of here?"

Fisher turned to Adam and there was something unspoken between them that Merle wanted to be informed about.

"Can we trust you?"

"Of course. We're in the same boat, guys. You can trust me."

Adam pulled a gun from his belt and Merle couldn't believe his eyes.

"Where the hell did you get that?" he asked.

"Don't ask me any questions cause I'm not telling you anything."

Merle wasn't in a position to demand information, but Fisher and Adam had been there longer than him and apparently found a way around the constant guard.

"Someone has to play sick and then they'll probably send Martin, we'll take him hostage and then we all walk outta here," Adam grinned.

"That almost sounds too simple, but we got nothing else," Merle sighed. "What do you want from me?"

"Fisher will fake an illness then you take Martin down, you're the strongest out of the three of us," Adam said.

Adam had obviously been thinking about this. Merle was still the strongest despite his loss of strength, Fisher and Adam had been there for a long time and were both very thin.

"Won't he be armed?" Merle asked.

"Sometimes he isn't when he comes to let us out, he's the only forgetful one. Haven't you had him come to let you out unarmed?" Fisher asked.

"He hardly ever lets me out. I always get that really big guy, Harlan."

"I bet you anything he'll come deal with this unarmed...they're all flustered out there with the roundup today. You in?"

"You got it," Merle grinned. "I'm in."

Fisher began to groan and it was obvious that he felt ridiculous but Adam and Merle egged him on.

"Keep it up," Merle insisted.

Eventually, Gareth noticed the ruckus and asked what the hell was going on.

"Fisher is sick, I don't know what's wrong with him."

"Do I need to come in there and solve the problem for you?" Gareth growled. "We have roundup in an hour; I don't need this shit."

"I think he just needs the bathroom," Merle jumped in.

"Fine. Martin! Get over here!"

Merle realized how close Adam and Fisher were paying attention to the way things worked around Terminus, they were spot on about how Gareth would handle it. Merle had been mostly moping in his C-can over Sasha and not being able to see Daryl but these two knew how things worked inside and out.

Martin unlocked the door and Merle smirked when he realized that for the first time since getting there, a Terminus worker was unarmed in his presence. He moved like lightning and grabbed him around the throat and wrapped his prosthetic around his belly. Merle obviously wasn't allowed to keep his blade but they let him keep the prosthetic since he couldn't really work without it.

"Holy shit! We did it!" Merle exclaimed under his breath.

They stepped out of the C-can and were immediately confronted by Gareth.

"What's the plan here? You think you can just leave? I know you won't kill him," Gareth said calmly.

"We're walking out of here, and I will kill him if I have to," Adam stated in a voice that meant business.

He had the gun held to Martin's head as Merle held him in a headlock and the moment was thick with intensity.

"If you're that determined then kill him," Gareth grinned.

Fisher sighed in frustration, but Adam simply cocked the gun.

Gareth seemed to change his tune then, he saw something in Adam's eyes that changed his mind.

"So you going to let him go at some point?"

"You let us walk out of here with nobody following and we'll let him walk back without a scratch. You can find guys to replace us, Gareth, this doesn't have to be a big deal," Fisher stated.

Gareth appeared more annoyed by the inconvenience than determined to keep it up so he simply told them to go.

"Jesus! Gareth! Their gonna kill me!" Martin cried out.

"Maybe they will, maybe they won't...but I kinda like their moxy," he grinned.

"You aren't actually going to let them go, are you?" Mary asked.

"I have scouts in the woods, they aren't going anywhere," Gareth smirked confidently. "Let them play their games, the roundup is happening on schedule."

"Gareth! Don't do this! They're going to kill me!"

"Relax, Martin. You'll be back here in no time," Gareth insisted. "These idiots don't have a clue what they're doing."

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please Play Transatlanticism by Death Cab for Cutie, it's important for this chapter:)  
> Thanks for reading! xoxo

_ **Are you my girl? - Chapter 12** _

Merle never took his arms from around Martin's neck once they entered the trees to make their escape. Martin was their only insurance against the scouts that Gareth said were in the area. There was always one last hurdle and Merle was tired of it; he just wanted to get back home to her.

They had only been walking for about 5 minutes when they heard yelling for them to stop or else. Merle told them all to keep low, and they started to move faster toward the road, Adam said he knew the way and Merle had no choice but to believe him. He found it hard to run while keeping hold of Martin, their escape was sloppy, and then there were gunshots over their heads.

"Fuck!" Merle growled, but they never stopped moving.

Merle watched as a round pass right over Fisher's head, and he felt for sure that they were fucked and that his dream of being with Sasha was over.

"This way," Adam called, and then he seemed to disappear down a gully.

Merle followed, but the ground dropped out from under his feet unexpectedly, and he was falling.

He lost his grip on Martin but was fortunate enough to grab ahold of him again at the end of a 30-foot drop. Merle's arms were scratched, but Adam and Fisher knew about the drop and had half run down the hill more gracefully.

"Coulda mentioned that fellas," he growled.

"Sorry, man," Adam laughed. "But that was fucking hilarious."

Merle looked up the hill and realized that they didn't have any time to stand around and yap when he heard yelling and more gunfire.

"Let's get fucking moving!" Fisher snapped.

/

They ran for ten minutes straight and eventually, reached a roadway where they could stop to breathe. Merle felt like it just might be over and was cautiously optimistic in that moment.

"Where are you off too?" Fisher asked Merle when they had calmed down enough to have a conversation.

"I ain't saying anything in front of him," Merle stated as he pointed at Martin.

"He ain't gonna say a word," Adam smirked and promptly blew Martin's brains out.

Merle was stunned and horrified, standing with blood spray on his shirt. He just wanted to go home; he needed Sasha so badly it ached in every cell. Adam and Fisher kicked dirt at the body on the ground with blood pooling around the face and Merle was just so tired of death, he could barely react.

"What's up with you?" Adam asked when Merle didn't appear to be excited about killing Martin.

"Nothing. I just want to go my own way. I'm really grateful that you guys let me in on your plan, though."

"Hey, we gotta stick together, right?"

"Right. All the best, guys," Merle said and just prayed that they'd let him walk away without any problems.

/

Daryl and Carol sat in the front of the car and drove out east for what felt like hours, but they were covering the grid by the letter so that they didn't miss anything. They weren't going to stop looking, but they had to be smart about fuel consumption.

Sasha lay in the backseat of the car and stretched her legs across Axel's lap. They had become so close while they were the only ones carrying the secret of her relationship with Merle. Sasha still hated that Tyreese didn't know or that he probably wouldn't be happy about it, but she was in love and always would be.

The miles continued, and Carol became tired of the silence.

"Can I put on some music? There's a cassette tape here."

They all agreed that it would pass the time and through pure luck, the car they found 3 hours before had some decent music on board. Death Cab For Cutie played the soundtrack to her broken heart as they drove and she wondered if maybe she'd see Merle's eyes again in their child someday...maybe their child would have those perfect blue eyes, but she doubted it somehow. She was beginning to feel comfortable with her sadness, like a warm blanket she could curl up with every night. The pain became so familiar.

_**The Atlantic was born today, and I'll tell you how...** _

_**The clouds above opened up and let it out.** _

_**I was standing on the surface of a perforated sphere** _

_** when the water filled every hole. ** _

_**And thousands upon thousands made an ocean,** _

_**making islands where no island should go.** _

_**Oh no...** _

_**Those people were overjoyed; they took to their boats.** _

_**I thought it less like a lake and more like a moat.** _

_**The rhythm of my footsteps crossing flatlands to your door** _

_**have been silenced forever more.** _

_**The distance is quite simply much too far for me to row** _

_**It seems farther than ever before** _

_**Oh no...** _

 

_**I need you so much closer** _

_**I need you so much closer** _

_**I need you so much closer** _

_**I need you so much closer...** _

 

Sasha closed her eyes and lay her hand on her belly. There wasn't even a bump yet, but part of him was still with her no matter what...he was still with her somehow.

/

Merle was miles from anywhere, and he knew it so he kept an eye out for a car, any kind of transportation he could find. The day was still warm for being fall, and he hadn't eaten in hours but what he really needed was some water. The road ahead seemed to go on forever, but he didn't mind. Merle was free, and he had a chance to get back to her, to the woman he loved.

After 3 hours of walking his feet throbbed and he definitely felt his age. He sat down in the ditch next to the road and dreamed of a cold bottle of fresh water. He would love to just drink some damn water. If he could quench his thirst then walking further would come so much easier.

He heard the car before he saw it and wondered if he even had it in him to defend himself. He walked into the trees lining the road and watched as it approached. He was sure it was a fantasy, but it looked like Daryl driving the car, and so he stepped out of the trees as it passed without even thinking. It had to be a mirage; surely nobody was looking for him now.

/

"STOP!" Carol screamed.

"Jesus Christ, woman! What is it?" Daryl yelped in fright.

"MERLE!" she answered.

"Where?" Sasha asked, sitting up straight and looking around like crazy.

Daryl pulled the car over, and Carol pointed back about 50 feet in the ditch.

"Go get him!" she squealed to Sasha.

Merle looked up as the car came to a screeching halt, and then the back door opened, and there she was...his girl. Sasha came running at full tilt toward him, and he felt weak from thirst and emotion.

"Where were you?" she asked as she came closer to him.

"Come here," he said simply because he couldn't handle anything else at the moment.

She leaped into his arms, and he still had enough strength to hold her up and bury his face in her neck.

"I missed you so much....are you OK?" she gasped.

"I will be now, honey...I will be with you."

Merle kissed her face and her neck and breathed her in deeply, she was his home, and he felt alive again as soon as he saw her face.

Daryl felt choked up just watching the reunion on the roadside and Axel, and Carol stood silently as well. In such an ugly world, Merle and Sasha were something so beautiful.

/

The group found a small town with very few walkers that were easy to clear and decided it was the perfect place to spend the night. Merle was weak, hungry, filthy, and exhausted, so traveling was out of the question until he was taken care of.

Merle pulled Daryl in for a bear hug as soon as they got somewhere safe for the night and thanked him over and over for continuing to search.

It was clear that Merle had seen some shit and had suffered, he had lost a noticeable amount of weight in captivity, so nobody pestered him with any questions. Sasha just took him inside the house and held him as he drank water and ate a little food, she never let him go.

Merle desperately needed rest and the basics of food, water, and a good wash and finally, he could have those things.

"It was awful, honey...I don't think I can even tell you," Merle said softly as she held him close.

"You don't have to, Merle. Don't say a word if you don't want to...just rest as much as you can. I'm going to get you cleaned up and then we're spending the night together here in this house."

"That sounds like heaven to me, honey...I missed you so bad. I never thought I'd see you again."

"I would have searched forever, Merle."

"Forever?" he smiled.

"Forever," she answered.

She couldn't wait to tell him about the baby, but she had to take care of him first. Sasha just wanted to hold him; everything else could wait. That night would be about reconnecting with each other and nothing else.

"Do you know that you own me, honey? All I want is to belong to you," he said, and Sasha knew that this wasn't the kind of love she'd ever known before. 

What started so innocently in a laundry room on a day like any other was now the catalyst for everything she wanted in life.

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still 4 more chapters and this story is over. I loved writing this:) It was such a joy.  
> Thanks for reading! xoxo

_ **Are you my girl? - Chapter 13** _

Daryl and Carol settled in the living room with Axel and shared happy smiles, there was a massive sense of relief in the air. Merle had been given food and water that he was clearly in need of and then Sasha took him to an upstairs bedroom to care for him privately. There would be more to discuss and Daryl couldn't wait to just be with Merle in the woods again like always, but Merle was in rough shape and needed the care of his woman.

"I still can't believe it...Merle and Sasha," Daryl noted as he stretched out on a couch, laying his head in Carol's lap.

"It was hard to know about this for so long and not be able to say anything," Axel added.

"Merle deserves this," Carol sighed. "He's been such an important member of the group this year. He keeps us all fed and does a lot of the heavy lifting, I think it's about time he got some personal happiness."

"I'm just happy I got my brother back...I ain't letting him leave the prison again, though."

Axel chuckled at that and they all continued to chat into the night. The next day they would return to the prison and life could begin anew, especially for Merle and Sasha.

/

Sasha couldn't help feeling sad at how much Merle had changed in only a month, he looked half-starved and exhausted.

"Do you want more to eat?" she offered.

He was sat on the edge of the bed in his boxers and just holding her hand tightly like he might lose her again.

"I'm OK. I'm not used to eating too much right now."

Sasha washed his face gently and he closed his eyes, just taking in the sensation of her touch and warmth of her care. Merle held the palm of her hand to his mouth to kiss it slowly and she could feel the pain radiating off of him in waves. Sasha wanted to take all of his pain away. She knew that he was suffering and had seen some horrible things, there was something completely different about his energy.

"Can I ask you something?" he asked finally.

"Anything."

"Did you ever think about Oscar...as a partner?"

Sasha sighed then and knew that this had to do with her brother running his mouth. She had never thought seriously about Oscar as anything more than a friend.

"Tyreese told you about his matchmaking ideas I take it."

"Did you ever think, though...maybe he could be good for you? Better than me?"

"How could he be better for me when I love you, Merle?"

"But-"

"I don't want anyone but you, and I never will."

"OK."

"I haven't been able to rest since I saw you last. All I did was read your notes and letters, search for you all day, and then dream of you all night. You are the one I want, can't you see that?"

"I see it. I just don't understand it."

"You don't have to understand it, just believe me when I tell you that you're the one."

"So you're still my girl?" he smiled.

"I'm always your girl."

When he was cleaned up, they lay down together, and she offered him a sip of the whiskey that Daryl had brought with him.

"I wrote you a bunch of letters at Terminus, but I left them when we escaped."

"You can always write new ones; we have the rest of our lives together."

"I only stayed living for you, honey...the things they made me do I-“

“Shhhh...it’s ok. Nothing they forced you to do matters, I know that’s not you.”

“It messed me up, Sasha.”

"Merle...you don't have to be OK right now. Just take your time."

She took him in her arms and he found that she was absolutely right. It was going to be OK in time but he didn't have to be OK right that minute. She was all he needed and full mental recovery would come eventually.

"If I'm really gentle, could I make love to you?" she teased.

"I suppose so...if you're gentle," he played along. "I'm not gonna be at my best, though, honey."

"That's not important...I just need to be close to you."

"I'll do you right when I have my strength back, I promise."

"Do I look worried?" 

She lay him back and undressed him with a wink, pulling his boxers off and tossing them over her shoulder. He watched with anxious eyes as she took off her clothes too and then came to lay next to him. Sasha pulled a knitted quilt over them both and took it very slow and gentle, kissing him for a long time and then beginning to take those kisses down his chest and under the quilt.

"I never thought this would happen again," he moaned, and she wondered when the right time to tell him her secret was.

Merle seemed to be overwhelmed by everything so she decided to leave it till morning. He needed to focus on just getting stable before he took on the big news of impending parenthood. All Sasha wanted to do was make slow love to him so that's what she did.

"You just lay right there...let me take care of you," she whispered.

Sasha kissed his chest, his belly and then took her mouth down to where he was neediest. She pleased him slow and smooth, just long enough to get him hard...it was about making love, nothing more. She got him ready for her and then kissed her way back to his lips and slid into his arms.

The moment was pure, it was perfect. Sasha took him in and moved in a sleepy rhythm as she looked into his eyes and kissed him sweetly. It lasted for a good 10 minutes and then he rolled onto his side to finish it up.

"This is worth everything I went through, honey...just this right here...just me and you."

"Just me and you," she smiled.

She loved him so intensely and she couldn't care less what anyone said back at the prison. Tyreese would have to accept it and that's all there was to it. Merle Dixon was her man.

When it was over, she curled up in his arms and breathed in the satisfying scent of his skin. They had survived the separation and were even closer than before, it was real love.

"Goodnight, my girl," he sighed.

"Goodnight, my man."

/

Morning came and Merle was excited to get back to the prison where he felt more comfortable. He couldn't wait to sleep in the same bed as her every night and he wasn't even scared to speak with Tyreese, the man would have to just deal with it. Merle wasn't hiding his love from anyone anymore.

Sasha was acting a little funny the next morning as they prepared to go back to the prison, she looked pale and a little wobbly.

"You OK?" he asked.

"I just need something like a cracker or some bread," she winced like she might throw up.

"You don't look so good, honey...should I call down for Carol or something? You look like you're gonna pass out."

"We need to talk, Merle. Maybe you should sit down for this," she began and he wondered what it was all about.

Sasha had looked just fine the night before.

"Don't tell me there's something wrong with you, honey. I can't take it right now," he pleaded, and she could hear a little panic in his voice.

"I'm not that kind of sick, don't worry...this is morning sickness."

"Huh?"

“Do you still want to have a baby?”

"Baby?" he grinned.

"So much for pulling out, right?"

"Yes! Holy shit! Yes!" he hollered and grabbed her up in his arms.

"You guys OK up there?" Carol called.

"I'm gonna be a fuckin' daddy!" Merle yelled down to her.

"Congratulations!!!" came a cheer from all three downstairs and Merle collapsed on the bed with Sasha in his arms.

They all knew about the secret but played along for his benefit, it was a huge moment for Merle and they knew it.

"I can't believe it...I just can't believe it," he repeated.

"Believe it, Merle. We're going to have a little family."

Merle kissed her forehead then and sighed, all his dreams had just come true.

"Should I worry about you giving birth, though? I'm not trying to be a downer, but I can't help thinking of Lori."

"Childbirth is never risk-free, but I can't really see any problems on that front," she laughed.

"You sound pretty confident."

"I take after my mother, and she delivered Tyreese without any problems."

"So?"

"He was ten and a half pounds, and she didn't have an epidural or anything, just three pushes, and he was out."

"Seriously?"

"Yep. The women in my family could give birth and be up cooking dinner within a day or so, and we do have Hershel if there's any issues."

"So I can be excited about this?" he grinned.

"Please do. I'm just excited that you'll be with me. I was scared that maybe..." she became emotional then, she couldn't help it, "I was worried that maybe you'd never meet our child."

"I'm here now, honey, and it's all gonna be OK."

Sasha felt so secure then, with the man she loved right in front of her and a baby growing within her that she knew they would both love more than anything else in the world.

 


	14. Chapter 14

_ **Are you my girl? - Chapter 14** _

Axel sat in the back of the car with Merle and Sasha who both refused to keep their hands to themselves. He didn't complain; he was very happy for them, he just wished he had someone too.

"Do we need to worry about these Terminus people?" Daryl asked.

Daryl couldn't resist his need to know what lay ahead of them.

"Not really. Unless you stumble upon their compound."

"What happens if you do?" Daryl pressed, not knowing what he was asking.

Merle began to rub his forehead then, and Sasha could recognize that it was a trigger for him. Terminus was evidently a terrible place that would haunt Merle for a long time coming.

"I don't know if you'd believe me if I told you," he finally answered, looking out the window at the passing trees.

"You don't have to talk about it now," Sasha insisted, taking his hand and stroking his knuckles.

Merle needed to say it out loud though; he had to begin the healing process, he had to drain the abscess in his mind.

"They kill everyone who goes there...then they butcher the bodies for food...I had to do that; they didn't give me an option."

"What the fuck?" Daryl exclaimed.

"Oh my God," Carol shuddered.

"I couldn't say no-"

"Merle, nobody would ever blame you for that," Sasha insisted. "You were a prisoner."

"They just never took their guns off me once...not until we escaped."

"Hey," she said, pulling his face to look at her and then hugging him tightly. "Nothing's changed. I don't blame you."

"Tell me I'm still good, honey...please, tell me I'm a good man," he whispered into her neck as she held him.

"You're a good man, Merle ...you're my man."

Sasha knew that what Merle had seen would stay with him and she planned to be there, right by his side every step of the way as he regained his former faith in humanity.

"It's an evil place. I can mark it on a map, and we can warn people not to go there...I don't think I can fight them right now, though," Merle said.

"Nobody expects you to," Sasha jumped in. "You aren't going anywhere near that God-forsaken place in a hundred years so just get that right out of your pretty little head!"

"OK, honey," he smiled at how firey and protective she became. "I won't."

"You're damn right you won't."

/

Back at the prison, Merle was taken to his cell by Sasha, and she couldn't care less how odd it looked.

Tyreese and everyone else at the prison couldn't believe that he was actually alive and had many questions, so Daryl decided to address them as a group. Rick gathered everyone up in the main cellblock for the announcement as Merle rested with Sasha.

"What happened?" Tyreese asked before Daryl even got a chance to speak. "Where did you find him?"

"Merle managed to escape with two other men yesterday. He was held at Terminus, and he has shown us where it's located on the map. We need to inform Woodbury of this place so they can stay clear of it. This place is involved in cannibalism."

Everyone reacted to the word cannibalism as expected. Gasps and chattering could be heard among the prison residents in a low murmur.

"They don't appear to be branching out from Terminus, and I don't know what the best approach is for dealing with them, I'm just thinking of Merle right now. He was held in horrible conditions, he's lost about fifteen pounds at a guess, and he's traumatized by what he witnessed there...he needs everyone to be kind and patient," Daryl said.

Daryl had always wanted to tell everyone at the prison to be nicer to Merle and to give him a chance, so he did that now with no reservations.

Rick didn't look like he had an answer for the issue of Terminus and just suggested that everyone think about it while they banded together and took care of Merle. He said they could have a meeting about it in a few days when people had a chance to actually think about it. Gone were the days of the group jumping into conflict mindlessly. The prison group had learned their lessons from the past, now everyone had a voice, and everyone had a say.

/

Tyreese showed up at the door of Merle's cell after the meeting to find his sister reading next to Merle's bed as he slept.

"Were you ever going to tell me?" Tyreese asked softly, and she could see right away that he felt betrayed.

"I wanted to. I'm sorry, Ty."

"Why him?"

"Because he's not who you think he is...he makes me feel like I'm the only person in the whole world that matters. He makes me happy, and he treats me well."

"I want to understand this, Sasha, but I just don't."

Sasha got up then and walked out the door of Merle's cell toward her own. She grabbed the long letter from Merle out of the book of poetry and handed it to her brother.

"Read this...it's from before he was kidnapped. If this doesn't explain who he is and what I feel, then nothing will, and I can live with that. Me and Merle are going to be together, and I'm sorry that I kept it from you...but if you love me, you'll find a way to be OK with it. I'm going to need my brother no matter what happens."

Sasha walked back to the room where Merle was fast asleep and curled up right beside him. Life was too short to feel shame about anything as beautiful as love, and she wasn't ashamed, she never had been. Maybe Tyreese would never understand, and that was entirely up to him, Sasha was going to live and love while she could.

Sasha pressed her mouth to Merle's back and squeezed him a little tighter in her arms, he was so warm, and it felt so right just to touch him. She wondered what their baby would look like then too; she wondered what Merle had looked like as a child.

Merle woke up an hour later and rolled over toward her with a big smile on his face.

"Did you talk to Tyreese yet?" he asked.

"About us, yes. About the baby, no. He kinda went off to think it over," she sighed.

"I'm sorry, honey...I wish I was someone he could respect."

"That's on him. I explained everything to him, and if he can't accept it, then that's on him."

"It was never my intention to make you lose anything, especially not your brother," Merle sighed.

"Hey...it'll work itself out. If I lose him, it'll be his choice, not mine. I can't really see it coming to that; he just needs a little time."

"I still can't believe I'm with you again."

"Believe it."

She closed her eyes and breathed him in; there was nothing like the sensation of being enveloped in his arms.

"What did you look like as a boy?" she asked.

"Me?" he laughed. "I was skinny and always dirty...I had blonde hair as a kid, and for the first year or two of school I was barefoot cause we were so damn poor."

"Sounds cute," she giggled.

"Don't worry, honey. I dreamed about our baby even before I found out you were pregnant and it'll look just like you."

"I want it to look like you too," she insisted.

"Nah, I want this baby to have your smile and your eyes and your laugh...it can maybe have my ears or something?" he joked.

"It's going to be perfect," she sighed.

"I'm gonna start making a list of names," Merle announced.

"What, no Merle Jr?" she laughed.

"Don't you dare call a kid Merle! That's abuse!"

They both laughed then like everything was great; there were no walkers or cannibals, food and water were readily available, their baby would be healthy and have every single thing it needed. In the world of their love, it was all right in that moment, and they reveled in it.

  
  


  
  


  
  


 

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next two chapters are coming right away:)  
> Very Fluffy! Thank you for reading! xoxo

_ **Are you my girl? - Chapter 15** _

The sun rose slowly like waiting for Christmas Day and Sasha went down to the kitchen to gather some breakfast for Merle who was still dead to the world. They had spent the whole night wrapped up in each other's arms and it felt perfect to wake up next to him. She was greeted by Carol who poured some coffee for her to take up to Merle and a bowl of oatmeal with canned milk and sugar.

"He really needs this," Sasha smiled. "He got so skinny."

"We'll fatten him up in no time," Carol assured her, placing some garden berries on the tray as well.

Sasha walked toward Tyreese in a corridor as soon as she left the kitchen and didn't know where to look for a moment. She didn't want to lose her only brother and prayed that he had rethought things. It was hitting her hard that she needed him so much more than she had originally thought. He was the only connection to her past that was left and she wanted him desperately in her future.

"I need to talk to you," he said when she got close enough and she nodded her head.

"I'll meet you right away, I just need to take this to Merle."

"Out front?" he clarified.

"Sure."

His face revealed nothing of his emotions and she hated that. He was mostly a teddy bear but when he was troubled there was just no telling what he was thinking.

/

"This looks so good," Merle grinned. "Thank you, honey."

"Those strawberries are to die for," she winked. "Eat as much as you can, babe...you're too thin."

"I'll try," he insisted.

"I want you to rest until you feel better and I don't want you to leave the prison anytime soon."

"I'll have to hunt eventually," he shrugged. "It's important to keep everyone fed."

"Then I want to come with you. I don't want us to be apart anymore."

"You can't, though. What about the baby?"

It had slipped her mind for a second and she realized that she would have to let him go again at some point.

"Can you at least leave it a week or two?" she pleaded.

"Yeah, I can do that. I don't feel up to it right now anyway, and we got a lot of meat at the moment so we're good for a while."

"Good," she smiled. "You eat that and don't get out of this bed. I'll be right back, OK?"

"Where you going?"

"Ty wants to talk."

"Should I come with you?"

"It's OK. No matter what happens, it's me and you, OK? Nothing will change that, and I'll work it out with him somehow."

"I sure hope so. You know I never-"

"I know, Merle. This isn't your fault. Just eat," she insisted with a sweet smile and then left him to his breakfast.

/

"Hey."

"Hey."

Tyreese looked like he'd been thinking it over all night long, he looked exhausted.

"So?" she urged.

"That letter...it doesn't sound like anything Merle Dixon would write."

"I know. He's not what I thought in the beginning."

"He's not all sweetness though, Sis."

"He's not pretending to be; he knows he has flaws."

"I just think you could have more."

"I know that it doesn't make sense to anyone, but when I'm in his arms I feel so safe and so loved. We understand each other. It's like we have our own little world together and...I need your support because that little world is going to involve a new life soon."

Tyreese closed his eyes then and she could tell that the news had fallen like a boulder on his head.

"It's not safe to be having babies in this world, Sasha! What are you two thinking?"

"That we love each other! That we're tired of just walking through the world without dreams! We're thinking that if we are still alive then we should probably live!"

"What about Lori? She didn't get to live!"

"That won't happen, Ty!"

"Have you completely lost your mind?"

"I need you to support me, Ty. Even if you think I'm making the biggest mistake of my life. I need you to tell me you're happy for me and that you trust me to know what's best for me. I need you to hug me and tell me congratulations. I need you to give Merle a shot! A real shot!"

"Sasha..."

She couldn't keep it together anymore and began to fall apart from emotion and hormones taking her over.

"Please, Ty...just be my brother and back me up. I know you think this is crazy but I promise that you'll see what I see if you just trust me!"

Her breath was coming in heavy gasps then, the entire last month had drained her and she was right on the edge of losing it.

"...ok."

"OK?" she whimpered.

"I'm here, Sasha."

Tyreese pulled her into one of his bear hugs that could make everything in the world OK again, and she closed her eyes just to feel it.

"I'm sorry, Sasha...I just love you so much. You're all I have left."

"I need to live, Ty, or else none of this is worth it. I'm gonna be OK."

"You better be, cause I can't lose you."

"I missed you, Ty...I wish this had all happened differently."

"It's OK. You got me now, and I'll back you up...I'll even talk to him."

"Thank you. I love you."

"I love you too, Sasha. More than anything else."

/

Merle was sitting alone in the dark of his cell that night with one of Sasha's books in his lap, she hadn't let him do very much all day long and he was getting bored. Sasha was helping out with Judith and cleaning up after supper and made him promise not to do anything till she got back. Merle wanted to read to her when she got back so he was skimming through the poems in her book for one to read.

She said that Tyreese was warming up to the idea of them and that he knew about the baby. Tyreese wasn't really happy but he was giving her support and that made Merle happy. He was eager to show him in time that he could be good for Sasha, and the new baby. Merle had a lot to prove but he was ready.

"Can we talk?"

Merle looked up and saw Tyreese standing in the doorway to his cell, and he knew that this was it.

"Of course, come in."

He came and sat on a wooden chair across from the bed and didn't waste any time getting right to the point.

"Do you really love her the way she thinks you do?"

"No. I love her even more than that," Merle said without a hint of reservation. "I'd do anything for her."

"This baby thing is a bad idea," Tyreese sighed.

"I'm worried too, but she's so sure about it all."

"I wanna keep being against this, but she looks so damn happy," Tyreese shrugged.

"I don't blame you for wishing she was with someone better, younger, someone more like Oscar. I thought she should be too, but she knows her own mind."

"Of course she does," Ty smiled. "She always has."

"I won't hurt her; I can promise you that."

"We need to make sure that she'll be safe delivering this baby."

"I'm with you there."

"It's early days now, but sometime soon I want to go on a run for medical supplies and baby stuff," Tyreese suggested.

"Me and Daryl will come obviously, and whoever else wants to be in, we'll make this work."

"It's still gonna take a little time for me to get my mind around this but I promised her that I'd give you a shot and I'm a man of my word."

"Thanks, Tyreese. I'll try to show you that I'm a man of my word too."

Tyreese seemed to relax his posture a little then and finally cracked a smile that Merle had been praying for, the tension was killing him.

"You did kinda win me over with that sappy ass letter she showed me," Ty chuckled. "That's the ramblings of a man in love if I ever saw it."

Merle couldn't help feeling a little embarrassed at knowing that Tyreese had read his mushy letter but if it helped him to understand then he could totally see why Sasha showed him.

"I'm in love with her and I ain't gonna let anything happen to her. I promise."

"We're good then," Ty nodded. "We just have to do everything we can now to ensure that she survives the birth and that the baby is OK."

"You got it. As soon as I'm rested, that's my top priority."

Tyreese actually smiled at him then, a genuine smile, and Merle knew that redemption was possible and he wasn't about to disappoint anyone.

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Galactic Lovepoem - Adrien Henri  
> One more to go:)  
> Thaks for reading! xo

_ **Are you my girl? - Chapter 16** _

_**~ 36 weeks pregnant...** _

It was early spring, and Merle Dixon stood in the fresh air surveying the world around him, the world looked nice.

He had begun work immediately after finding out Sasha was expecting, as soon as he felt strong enough, and now it was ready. A simple cabin like the one he built would take no time at all in the old world, but it had taken him and Daryl all winter long. Tyreese ended up coming out to help as soon as the ground was broken and over time they came to an understanding. Merle would continue to be good to Sasha, and he wouldn't have a huge problem with Tyreese. Merle actually loved that Sasha had her brother looking out for her so vehemently. If anything happened to him, he knew that Sasha and the baby would always have Tyreese for love and protection.

The cabin wasn't big, but it had a master bedroom, a small second room for a nursery, and a living area with a wood stove taken from an old farmhouse. Merle constantly scavenged to build the little home just inside the prison yard. The group had also built a barn and a shed over the winter, and the prison yard was looking more and more like a farm every day. They had a few goats for milk and chickens from Woodbury. The goats had been a trade with a local man who was still somehow living on his family farm, and the chickens had been caught wild by the Woodbury residents. With eggs, chicken, goat milk and the garden, they were all set along with the hunting that Daryl and Merle always took care of.

Merle put up freshly washed curtains in the window of the room their child would sleep in and tucked in clean sheets for the bassinet. He was so excited to finally show Sasha that he couldn't finish fast enough. He hadn't let her inside once yet; he refused to let her see it until he was ready to have her sleep there. Merle lit the wood stove to warm it up, placed fresh wildflowers on the tiny kitchen table, and smiled at how cozy it all looked. There was a rocking chair he had found in the same home that he found the bassinette, and he could already see her sitting there with the baby in her arms...their baby.

Merle decided that there wasn't too much more he could do and walked over to the prison to get her, she would have to waddle a long way, but then she could rest in her very own home.

/

As expected, Sasha began to tucker out a little halfway across the field, so he growled with impatience and scooped her up into his arms to get her there faster.

"Merle!" she squealed and then decided to relax and take the lift, it really was a lot easier.

"You ready?" he asked as they approached the front door.

"I've been ready for months, Merle! You're driving me crazy making me wait like this!"

Sasha still looked like her old self for the most part, except maybe with a volleyball under her shirt. She carried it all in the belly and only in the final month was she becoming uncomfortable and resorted to staying in loose dresses. Merle loved the way she looked; she was glowing and beautiful as ever.

Merle opened the door and carried her over the threshold to check it all out for the first time.

"Merle...."

Sasha felt warmth all over her skin as she walked into the main room and took in the wood stove roaring away. The cabin was very small, but it looked so cozy, and he had put so much work into it. There was a bookshelf next to the wood stove and a rocking chair, and she shook her head in disbelief.

"This is incredible," she whispered.

"Let me know if the baby's room isn't good enough; I can change it still if it's not right...I ain't no baby expert."

Against the far wall was an old wooden bassinet with pure white sheets and the sun shined through yellow curtains in the window giving the room a dream-like aura. Sasha stood next to the bassinet and ran her hands over the soft blankets. A few wooden crates held some of Judith's old clothes, receiving blankets and cloth diapers. Merle had painted animals on the walls with paint he found in a church Sunday school, and they looked like a child had painted them, it made her smile.

"I can't draw to save my damn life...but a baby doesn't know what an elephant looks like anyway, right?"

Sasha knew she wouldn't be able to keep it together, so she didn't even try. A few happy tears fell, and she shook her head at the way Merle had surprised her over and over again.

"It's perfect, Merle...I love it."

"This is what I wanted for you...just a place you can be a mother in peace and quiet. I wanted it to be as close to the old world as possible."

"I want to see our room," she smiled, and he took her by the hand to show her the room he had spent months dreaming about.

Flowers on the dresser, a knitted quilt on the bed, and books by the bed on a night table made the room perfect in her eyes. Sasha loved the tiny home, she loved him, and she was loving life in general now. Sasha crawled onto the bed and turned onto her back to take it all in. The bed was soft, and she closed her eyes as he came to lay next to her.

"Did I do good, mama?"

"You did so good, baby."

Nothing about late pregnancy sex was terribly easy, but she wasn't about to let that stop her in the moment.

"You made dreams come true for me that I didn't even know I had, Merle...come here."

He rolled her onto her side and kissed her passionately with the relief of knowing that he had pleased her and given her what she wanted and needed. The home was what he felt he owed her as her man, it was a little archaic, but he needed to give her every single thing he could. She was the mother of his only child, and he couldn't wait to meet the little person he knew he would devote himself to. The cycle of shitty fathers would end with him...there was nobody left as evidence of the bad Dixon gene pool, and his child would grow up to be an incredible man or woman.

The kiss drifted through all the natural stages, and soon he was pulling her maternity dress up to touch her thighs and urge her in tighter.

"Mmmm....let's christen this place," she moaned, and with that, the flames grew a little higher.

She went for his belt, and the familiar clank of the buckle made her ache in anticipation. When they were both stripped, she took his face in her hands and pulled him to her breasts. Merle was about to bring her to the edge of heaven and toss her off the nearest cloud into a freefall of pleasure, and she surrendered to him completely. He kissed slowly down her body, stopping to taste her skin and suck her nipples and then continuing down over her round belly.

"You stay sleepin' in there, peanut...me and your mama got something we need to tend to."

Sasha laughed at the way he was always talking to the baby through her belly and pleaded with him to continue.

"Keep going...don't make me wait!" she whined.

"Impatient mother you got here, peanut, but she's a real Georgia peach," Merle teased.

His mouth met with the soft flesh between her legs, and she shuddered with need as he kissed her till she begged for his tongue to do its work. Merle grinned and licked her soft and gentle in the privacy of their own home and Sasha didn't shy away from letting him know it felt good.

"Oh....oh, baby...Mmmmmm.....oh yeah!"

Merle lay his hand on her belly and moved his tongue back and forth in a teasing way to draw her right to the edge. He felt the baby shift and move against his hand, and it creeped him out just a little, but he had a job to do. She shivered as it came over her and then his face was pulled in tight to her core as she planted her heels on the quilt and arched her back to take it deeper. Sasha panted and thrust herself against him, depriving him of oxygen, but it was a sweet price to pay as she floated down from the heavens above.

They finished it all up with her kneeling on the bed, it was the only way to get close enough by then, and he loved the sight of her beautiful back and ass as he got closer to the end.

"That's right....you give it good, baby," she praised.

He didn't feel right going as hard as usual; she was so close to her estimated due date that he didn't want to make anything happen too early.

"Harder," she whimpered.

The woman was an insatiably incredible lover and to resist her was futile.

"I shouldn't...what about-"

"I'm OK...please...."

He groaned at the sexy sound of her pleading and did as she asked, fucking her until he thought he'd go blind and then cumming into her with perfect release before collapsing.

/

Merle poured hot water over tea leaves in a cup and then carried it to her as she sat up in bed with a book in her hands.

"Thank you," she smiled.

Their first day in the new house had been heaven, and she was starting to add little touches to it already to make it her own. By bedtime, it was just the two of them, and all was right with the world. Merle knew that all the work had been worth it as he curled up next to her and lay his head on her lap. He listened to her read to him and then offered to read one back; he had found many a book on his journeys to furnish the cabin.

_**Warm your feet at the sunset** _

_**Before we go to bed** _

_**Read your book by the light of Orion** _

_**With Sirius guarding your head** _

_**Then reach out and switch off the planets** _

_**We'll watch them go out one by one** _

_**You kiss me and tell me you love me** _

_**By the light of the last setting sun** _

_**We'll both be up early tomorrow** _

_**A new universe has begun** _

/

They had only been asleep for an hour or so when a ruckus could be heard outside, and Merle sat up like a bolt.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Stay right there," Merle answered, pulling on his pants and handing her a handgun. "I'll be right back."

When he walked out of the cabin and started toward the main building of the prison, he could hear Rick shouting.

"Who are you? Where did you come from?"

Merle began to sprint since he could barely hear the response and made sure his rifle was ready when he got there.

The entire group, except for the younger members was all lined up in the main courtyard in their pajamas, and two men stood before them with their arms in the air.

"Fisher? Adam?" Merle exclaimed.

They were the last two people he expected to see, and he wondered what the hell they were doing there, he never told them once where he had come from. 

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote the poem in this chapter...that's why it's not that good. lol  
> I couldn't find a poem that worked for this part online so I made one up.  
> Hope you enjoy the ending:) Thanks so much for reading!!! xoxo

_ **Are you my girl? - Chapter 17** _

"Merle?"

They looked just as stunned to see Merle as he was to see them and everyone in the prison group was wondering who the hell these men were. Rick was looking at him for answers, so he didn't keep him waiting.

"They helped me escape from Terminus," he said simply.

"What are you guys doing here?" Rick demanded.

"We just stumbled on this place; Merle didn't tell us where it was...we just need somewhere to stay for a night or two if you could help us out."

Tyreese looked at Merle, and he nodded his head to vouch for them. Tyreese was just as concerned about Sasha's safety as he was and Merle wasn't about to take any unnecessary chances.

"We'll need to keep you in a cell overnight though," Rick stated. "I hope you understand that we can't take any risks."

"It's fine with us," Adam smiled. "We could just use a few good nights of rest, and we'll be on our way."

Merle walked back to the cabin to explain to Sasha what was happening and told her he would be back in a minute.

"I'm just gonna make sure everything is OK with those guys and the group."

"OK, but be back soon. This is our first night in our house," she pouted.

"I'll be fast, honey. Keep the bed warm for me," he winked.

/

Fisher had a huge hiking backpack, and Adam was carrying a duffle bag stuffed with personal possessions. They both looked worn out and hungry, so Tyreese and Axel offered them jerky and some leftover supper.

"What happened to you guys after Terminus?" Merle asked.

Fisher sighed and looked around at all the new faces around him.

"Do all these people know about that place?" he asked.

"Yeah, I told them."

"We found our original group," Adam began, "luckily they were still in the same place. Eventually, we all decided to go back to Terminus."

"Are you serious?" Rick exclaimed. "Why?"

"Cause we had to listen to people get slaughtered for almost six months...they had to die."

"Had to? You mean you actually succeeded?" Merle asked.

"We lost three of our own," Adam lamented. "But Terminus is burned to the ground now, and none of them were left alive."

"Jesus! That's incredible!" Daryl grinned.

"So where is your group now?" Carol asked.

"Don't know...there were four of us left and we got separated on a run to Atlanta," Fisher explained.

It was getting late, so they decided to let the men eat and ask them more questions in the morning.

The group began to wander off to bed except for Rick who still insisted on locking them in a cell for precaution. Neither of them seemed to mind as long as they had a bed to sleep on and food in their bellies. Merle decided to get back to Sasha but was stopped by Fisher on the way there.

"Merle, hold up a second."

"What?"

Fisher started to dig through his bag and had to take out multiple items in order to find what he was seeking, and when he did find it, Merle was blown away.

"What the hell?" he asked as he was handed a bunch of papers, probably a hundred sheets of paper covered in scribbled words.

"I found it in your c-can after we took down Terminus. We had to check it out...you were always asking for more paper, me and Adam were dying to know what you were writing."

Merle smiled when he looked at the sheet on the top of the stack with Sasha's name written over and over and over.

"Something told me I should hang on to them...I'm glad I did now."

"Thank you," Merle said and reached out to shake the man's hand.

"Don't mention it. See you in the morning?"

"You got it."

Rick led the pair off to a cell where they could get a good night's rest, and Merle headed back to his very own home. Sasha was sleeping when he got back, and so he just lay the papers on the little kitchen table and curled up behind her.

/

Morning came much too soon but it was a beautiful spring day, and they had nowhere to go and nothing to do.

"Everything OK with those guys who showed up?" she asked as she tried to get to a sitting position.

"Let me help ya," Merle winked, holding out his good arm for her to get herself sat upright. "Everything is OK by the looks of it. Rick made them crash in a locked cell, but they were fine with that...it turns out that they went back to Terminus with a group and killed everyone."

"Really?"

"Yeah, they burned the whole place to the ground!"

"Wow! That's good news. I didn't want us to have to fight that battle; we can't fight them all ourselves."

"True. Let someone else do some heavy lifting," he chuckled.

Sasha winced then and scrunched up her face a little.

"You OK?" he asked.

"If I'm not mistaken, that's a contraction," she moaned.

"It's too early...Hershel says your only 36 weeks."

"It could be a false alarm," she assured him.

"I'm going to get Hershel," Merle said and then insisted that she go lay down until he got back.

"I'm sure it's nothing," she argued.

"I ain't taking any chances."

/

"Hershel?"

Merle walked around the main area and called out for Hershel frantically. Daryl said he was in the kitchen and asked if Sasha was OK.

"She had a contraction, but it's not time yet."

"It's not super early though; I'm sure it'll be fine."

Merle located Hershel in the kitchen as he was chatting to Adam and Fisher like old friends.

"What's wrong, son?" he asked.

"Sasha might be in labor; I need you to come put my mind at ease cause it's too early."

"I'll grab my stuff, and I'll be right there," Hershel smiled.

"How far along?" Fisher asked.

"Huh?"

"How many weeks gestation?" Fisher repeated.

"36....why?" Merle answered, wondering why the guy from Terminus was using a word like gestation.

"I was an ER nurse back in the day. If you want a hand just let me know, I assisted with more than a few deliveries when I did a rotation in labor and delivery. I'm no obstetrician, but I have some experience."

"Would you mind if he comes along, Merle?" Hershel asked. "Most of my experience is with cows and horses."

"Hell no. As long as it's cool with her, it's fine by me."

/

By the time they got back to the cabin, Sasha was up and pacing the floor like she was angry, but it was just the labor in full swing. Tyreese looked as panicked as Merle, but Hershel and Fisher appeared to be calm thankfully.

"Honey, you should lay down!" Merle exclaimed.

"Actually, walking is good," Fisher assured him. "She's definitely in labor, and we have no meds to slow it down so just getting the baby out is the best option we have. Walking will help with that. Good old gravity."

Merle just stood there helpless and watched her pace the floor and growl occasionally. Hershel did ask her to sit for just long enough to check the baby's heartbeat with the special stethoscope they had found on a run. Doctors had stopped using fetoscopes for the most part in the old world, but it was a handy device in the afterworld.

"Can I do anything?" Merle asked.

"Water. I need water," Sasha whispered as she leaned on the bed for a contraction.

Hershel covered the bed with a tarp and then clean sheets and prepared boiled water and the medical supplies they had gathered over the months. He had everything ready in case there was heavy blood loss, and she needed a transfusion, luckily Tyreese was the same blood type.

"You're gonna be OK, Sis," Tyreese insisted and handed her a cool cloth for her head.

"Uh huh," she answered through her panting and growling.

She hardly spoke, but she was making random whining sounds and breathing heavy. Her water broke two hours into her labor and Fisher said he should probably check to see how fast it was progressing.

Merle stood at the side of the bed and watched in uncomfortable silence as a man he barely knew checked his woman's cervix.

"That walking did the trick alright," Fisher laughed. "You're juuuust about nine inches...can you just push a little?"

Sasha took a deep breath and bore down for a few seconds.

"Yeah, when you push that last little bit of cervix moves no problem. Give it about half an hour, and I bet you could start pushing for real. You wanna walk some more?" he asked.

"Yeah," she nodded, and Merle helped her onto her feet.

"So she's not gonna have the baby right on the floor?" Merle asked, and Hershel laughed at the 'new dad' worries.

"She can give birth standing up if she has to, we'll manage," Hershel insisted. "Women know what they're doing with this stuff."

"Standing up, though? Really?" Merle asked. "I need a drink...this is insane."

"Pull it together, man," Tyreese teased. "You got her into this; you ain't drinking yet."

Merle chuckled and assured him he wouldn't be having a drink until they had a healthy baby in the room. Twenty minutes later Sasha insisted that it was go time and got onto the bed just fast enough to bear down and deliver the baby's head so quickly that Merle almost fainted.

"Sweet baby Jesus," he uttered as he watched the tiny head appear covered in dark hair like a toddler.

Sasha wanted to keep pushing, but Fisher told her to wait a minute.

"Just gotta get the cord back around its head so no pushing, please."

"I have to push! Jesus!" she hollered, and Merle felt like the world's biggest asshole for doing this to her.

"I almost got it...just a second," Fisher said, pulling the cord loose and around the head to make delivery possible. "OK, Sasha, go for it!"

Three pushes later, the world was blessed with a screaming baby girl.

"She's so beautiful!" Merle gasped, and he felt completely overcome.

Everything was a blur as Hershel and Fisher moved around the room: cutting the cord, wiping the baby's face to stimulate more crying to clear her lungs, and caring for Sasha. Merle stood in the center of a whirlwind and just couldn't stop smiling.

"You're a dad," Ty mused.

"And you're an uncle," Merle said in return.

/

Tyreese, Hershel and Fisher returned to the prison to tell everyone the good news and left the new family to themselves for the first day. The baby was 6 pounds at a guess according to Fisher and healthy as a horse but beautiful as an angel.

"She looks just like you," Merle smiled as he held the sleeping bundle in his arms.

Sasha watched him from the bed and loved the way he looked holding a baby already.

"I can see a little Dixon in her face too," Sasha grinned.

"Nah, she's the spitting image of you and all this hair!" he exclaimed.

His daughter's head was covered in beautiful black curls, and he knew he would never love anything the way he loved her. He kissed the baby's forehead and commented on how good she smelled.

"That new baby smell," Sasha giggled. "What should we name her?"

They hadn't tossed around too many names; life was too busy in the last few months to think too much about it. Merle had planned to make a list, but he spent all of his time building the cabin and searching for baby things and medical supplies.

"How do you go about naming anything this precious? Merle sighed. "Nothing does her justice."

"Precious," Sasha whispered.

"She really is...I just can't get over all this hair," he grinned.

"I like that name."

"What name?"

"Precious."

"For a name? Can you even do that?" he asked.

"Do you like it?"

"You just pushed her out of your...uh, you know...so you can name her whatever you want, honey," he joked.

"But do you like it?" she pressed.

"I do. It fits her perfectly," he smiled. "Precious Williams-Dixon?"

"Works for me," she agreed, taking a deep cleansing breath and laying back on the bed.

Merle uncovered the baby just enough to touch one of her tiny hands, and he never wanted to put her down. She was like a little sleeping angel, and he felt like the luckiest man on earth.

"I must like the word precious; I wrote you a poem with that word in it while I was at Terminus," Merle noted.

"Do you remember it?" she asked.

"It'll be in those papers that Adam and Fisher brought."

"Huh?"

"They brought the papers I left at Terminus when they took the place down. What a fluke, hey?"

"Read it to me," she smiled.

Merle handed the baby over and picked up the stack of papers to start sifting through it, and then held up one of the papers covered in her name.

"I did this a lot," he shrugged and chuckled to himself.

He finally located the little poem and warned her that he was better at reading poems than writing them.

"Keep in mind that I was under duress."

"I'm sure it's good, babe, just read it," she urged.

He cleared his throat, as if it would stop his scratchy voice from being scratchy, and read her his poem with the word precious.

_**Unfiltered beauty, precious and pure.** _

_**My unworthy heart, longing only for her.** _

_**I pray she remembers, that under the moon** _

_**we once came together, though it ended so soon.** _

_**There’s no light without her; the stars do not shine.** _

_**I just pray she remembers, the time she was mine.** _

_**Unfiltered beauty, precious and pure.** _

_**My unworthy heart, longing only for her.** _

"It's beautiful."

Sasha looked completely taken aback, and Merle was just excited that she wasn't laughing, but that wasn't her style. She accepted his softer side; she didn't find it ridiculous, he knew he didn't have to play pretend with her. Sasha was the only person besides Daryl who took him at face value and actually loved him.

"I wrote more if you like that," he laughed. "They're all kinda sappy like that."

"I want to hear everything you wrote, and I never want you to stop reading to me," she smiled.

"Do you wanna get married now?" he asked.

"We're already married, Merle."

"Yeah?" he grinned.

"Yeah. You're my man, and I'm your girl."

/

Merle and Sasha were never apart for any real length of time after that day, and as Precious grew Merle had a chance to be the kind of father that no Dixon man had ever been before. The world of the prison survivors wasn't always peaceful, but there were no more big wars. They expanded on the farm, and each year they became more and more stable. It wasn't like the old world, in many ways it was better, especially for Merle Dixon. With Sasha and their beautiful daughter by his side, he couldn't think of a single thing that his life lacked. It was an improbable fairy tale in his eyes, a tryst in a laundry room growing into a once in a lifetime love story, an unlikely pair who just happened to be soul mates.

**~The End~**

 

 


End file.
